Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Goshdarnit, Fox News Told Karl Rove To Pipe Down Just Like When They Told Me To Stick A Sock In It And So Forth ...
Doggonnit, I can certainly express some sympathies there across this great nation goshdarnit for my fellow Fox News mouthpiece Karl Rove, bein told to stick a sock in it after his head grew three sizes that night cause of how the Democrats stole the election and even my large wighedge kinda deflated on the other screen just as Karl's noggin was blowin up sigh mutationally and since I do so dearly tend to make things all about me ever since my meteoric rise to fames and fortune after bein put on the public by Jomcane the Mavrik durin the 2008 election, notified by my sassy wardrobes and sayins that struck home with my base which is expandin (especially durin this holiday season with those gooey dessert treats and big suppers that we all have as a normal family back home in Frontporch durin the real American Christian holidays that we do together as normal by golly) but anyway, I can feel somewhat remorsefully emotionable there for Karl since we all remember the tragic circumstance of what happened to me durin at the last convention when I myself was told to clam up and pipe down so Chris Christie could get on up there doin the big keynodes insteada me, so I know how Karl feels all big and stupid and wrongfilled with those projections that he did not agree with when we lost yet another one dingdangit right there in his face.
Doggonnit, speakin as one American institution to another and acourse by that I mean 1) me and b) pizza, the lamestream media once again across our great nation has thrown a pie in the face of real American's free speech and constitution areas that cover our beloved government foundations (the crust of our wonderful democracy) which I see a lot durin my fundraisins from within my toasty One Notion bus proofin my own dough in support of our amendables which are like extra toppings youbetcha, however the calorie count in those historically yeast-driven wedges may add to puttin on the pounds durin this holiday season so youbetcha I'd better not have too many helpins of freedom or else I'll add too much to my expandin base to fit into the studio chair at my Sean and Greta video playdates over at Fox News where I get all painted and floured up and also dimpled and hair-raised to make my hot tomato chewy statements ready to eat and easily devoured by my growin base (also too, our other national snacks and junkfoods are bein radically hijacked away from our traditional mouths similar to when the convention folks told me to shut my own personal piehole) dingdangit but historically speakin they just had those hard tacked breads back in the forefather's times then since no chain restaurants were open in the early pre-mall years of our nation back then which is so sad.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Goshdarnit, I Guess This Little Piggy Will Not Be Goin To Market Again Anytime Soon Youbetcha And So Forth ...
Friday, November 9, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Goshdarnit it sure is fun and plus thrillfull youbetcha to sit and facebook these days out across this great nation in the tradition of our foundin forefathers and assorted patriots and use those words and typeable things that get the attentions back upon me since my dip in the polls right around the time the conventioneers told me to stick a sock in it and give it a rest so of course naturally bein me over here feelin all ignored and uncentered from attentions and whatnots I picked some words that I have been advised are attention magnets and in no way racially divided whatsoever since I don't want to risk gettin a knuckle sandwich from Michelle Obama and her powerful and unfirstladylike arms there all exposed in those radical styles which were not those that I was GOPdrobed into when I was all winks and wiggles with my smacktalks with Jomcane and that blockhead Joe the Plumber that one time when we were tryin to keep the country where it was since now we have to take it back because it was in fact moved from us along our country roads and highways that I see from my One Notion Bus and just to be fair and not play any race cards sometimes I do sit in the back.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Goshdarnit, youbetcha for the life of me across this great nation, when I was told Mitt Romney there was gonna use some zingers, (and I must say that among the Mary-add of things that I don't understand at all) I don't understand at all why his campaign crews didn't contact me about zinger stylins since I have left many trails behind me of zingers for more years than I care to remember since my facepalmified attempt with Jomcane the Mavrik and the blockhead Joe the Plumber failingly failed to take over the Senates and White House even though I did rehearse up so many zingers in my head and made them brayably along our wonderful countrysides with the amber grains of waves that I see with my own eyeholes from inside my One Notion bus when I manage to cram out my busy schedule of goin and doin the Fox answer-and-answer sessions where, again, my zingers are respected and laughed over plus the text-shines I get from Sean or Greta, with my expandin base draggin right behind me backin me up there in real America's face, however also, the stigmatosis of bein handed a big box of shutup and treated like Pariah Carey by Chris Christie at the RNC Committee Convention still follows me around like a bad fish doggonnit, I guess I’ll watch from my snidelines to get my thumbs ready to push in how Romney won like when I won mine verses Joe O’Biden.
Doggonnit, youbetcha goshdarnit, why don't people across this great nation follow my bottom line principals and those of my expandin base of how I have figured them historically out by followin in the foresteps of our foundlin fathers and based upon my highly calculated career as facetexter, and just file some Freedom From Information papers like I do before I go onto the Fox News Greta or Hannity shows to blabforward my speak-a-lots so that this hard math problem without showin the work that Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney are doin can be zeroed out until they're elected up at the upcomin November primary, as I understand how this highly governed mental process works, havin myself been the groundbreakable phototype for Paul Ryan, even though I was given the "shut it" order at the convention, but the last one where I was divided by Jomcane the Mavrik when folks paid attention to my attentions, our math numbers multiplied, then I went rogue and they subtracted us there after the lamestreamer Katie Couric asked me informations which I do not recall, (especially about my house and the Russian Union) and also I forgot but just remembered we had that tagalong blockhead Joe the Plumber cancelin out our poll numbers, sendin us down the drain (LOutLOL) but nevertheless, Paul Ryan should not do repeats of these speeches from the past and this close to the debates it only adds up to take-aways.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Goshdarnit, Sayin Insedentary Things Is Within Our Freedom From Information Acts And Free Speech Also Too And So Forth ...
Doggonit, youbetcha this reminds me of those days across this great nation and I am also an expert tease with these types of insedentaries, because of when my Superpac put those targets and locks and loads onto those districts which we had no responsibility for goshdarnit, then that awful shootin happened which we also had no responsibility for hashtaggit, and of course we do wish her well and all the other folks we were in no way connected with and we didn't mean anything by it once it happened, but we took the website down quicker than you can say Frontporch, Russia which was perfectly within our rights as real Americans throughout our great land to say things that we didn't really mean to excite the people to do those violet acts, but the lamestream media will probably say it was our fault if Katie Couric has her way about things like when she stepped all over me with that interview that last time I did any with the questions about not readin any newspapers which is also within my rights dingdangit because of the Freedom From Information Act that I perform when I talk my texts with Greta or Sean Hannity which of course mean no harm even if someone takes my "get-evens" and smackdowns serious when I get mad since we had our foundin fathers freedoms of speech and banner yet wavable opinions.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Goshdarnit, youbetcha if I had four thumbs across this great nation I would use all of them at once to downlike this incredibly uh mimical and disrespectish portrayance that Julieanne Tyler Moore acted out against me and my expandin base doggonit some time ago much to the hilaracy and unpatriotic values which are unupholstered on the facebooks that I have come to revenge my enemies with when not powdered up for my appearances on the Greta or Hannity newsblast chatseats where I do my smacktalkin and tartbarbarisms about everyone else with my paybacks and dishouts, plus also various things that I textabout these days with my thumbs since I have so much spare times on my hands (and again, thumbs) which I would reuse to tell those Hollywood radicals out there to take a hitch-hike away from our great country with its hills and high valleys and planes and boats and trains and dunes insteada these funpokins at real life characters like myself with the mimes and mimicons of me which have gardnered those awards on my behalf when they didn't even ask me to be a part of it hashtaggit, and just go pack up and move to Russia where I never said I could see it from my house but that other one sittin there, Tina Fey said it with her awards probably too comin to mock me in the face later on, or tape delayed I think they call it and plus also too hashtaggit, youbetcha I coulda won a buncha those Enmity Awards across this great nation at the big Hollywood pileup against me if I was invited to it (all expenses paid and so forth plus gas) which I was not doggonnit just like with the RNC at Florida excludin me out if you remember cause they told me and my expandin base to clam up and then later Fox News told me to button my lipstick cause Paul Ryan now is a new replacement to me, takin over my speechtexted jawbleats and then givin the big fat keynode to Chris Christie this year, opposite day from the last time when I was centersquared and also Jomcane the Mavrik plus the blockhead Joe The Plumber but I don't know who coulda poorplayed him, maybe Bruce Willis, or that meathead from Archie Bunkers, since I, again, did not watch how she did me in as an actress with her stunninly accurate wardrobes and wigfaces that I saw when her mockmimes misdirected all my attentions away from me, but at least she didn't make me look fat which is what they told me about the camera addin extra chin cans which is why we have to watch our edibles durin this campaign holiday season because of all the waste lines and gooey dessert candydated sweets even though this performance did leave a sour taste there but I am not bitter or sourpussed in the lease about the whole production.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I Am So Shocked And Did Not Have Anyone Prepare A Text For Me In Case I Am Ever Catagoried For This And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, as I sit on the One Notion bus and watch the Emney Awards, as I seek out and destroy new careers for myself and my textwranglers, I wonder if one day across this great nation there would be a category someone could do called Best Spokesspeaker on The Fox News Greta Or Hannity Programs For A Half Termed Governor Who Was Picked By Jomcane The Mavrik And Then Went Rogue After Havin Some Disasterawful Interviews Especially With That Lamestream Media Queen Katie Couric After I Couldn't Answer Any Breakfast Newspaper Questions Durin An Interview That Later Made Me Invent Up The Terms Lamestream Media And Gotcha Journalism That Are Used Across This Great Nation Because Of Me And Also Plus Too My Realty Show That I Did On Top Of All Those Appearances I Made When Someone Like Dick Chainy Or John Kerredy Says Anything In The Least Bits Critical About Me To Make Me Jump On Over To The Studio And Do My Get Even Type Retaliates In A Supportin Role there because I think I would be able to accept the award on my behalfs and my expandin base in case the academies were thinkin about spicin up their broadcasts and makin them less lamestreamy and liberal the way thing have been goin around here these days doggonnit and big deal about Julie Ann Moore anyway.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Goshdarnit, If You Can't Stand The Heat, Order The Staff To Get Out Of The Kitchen To Just "Stop It!" And So Forth ...
Doggonit, youbetcha I know exactly how across this great nation and why Ann Romey is feelin and makin this all about me on the news programs along this great and patriotic lamestream media landscape just because I did not warmly enduce my influentially wide and expandin base over toward Mitt Romney when I made various shall I say, shrugful noises and exaspertables toward him there within our, within the many important and newsworthsome dearly loved appearances that I make bestowable throughout our talk-stringalongs from the closed studio encounters of the Fox kind or on the one Notion bus because and again because, not to make this entiresome all about me once again as I do, I have been made awareable when beamed through to those better homes and gardens of real America there with Sean or Greta and their answer-and-answer sessions predigested for me to predispose of later when my chewable knowledgevasts are called up upon so I can then relate as to how difficult it is for us to be in the public's eyeholes with our families and "stop it" orders that we have to brayforth to our enemies and Courics for our own goods and services which border on complainin and whinin everytime someone says a bad word about me which I then have to get all up on the newses (again) and do my "get-evens" and my video revengeables which is what I am reduced for now.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Under No Circusdances Youbetcha Would I Be Caught Wearin These Wardrobes On My Interviews Because It's Not Over Till The Rich Lady Sings And So Forth ...
Doggonit, if there's one thing I know because what I don't know about things across this great nation could fill a book in the footsteps of our forefathers that I stepped into while on the campaign trails there with Jomcane the Mavrik and that tag-along blockhead Joe The Plumber, it's that when you get trotted out to do the speakins in the studios to enlarge your expandin base like me on the Fox Newses with Greta or Sean when they allow me to mouthtalk which is not so often anymore since bein told to shut it up f'cryin out louds durin the convention and other important primetimes much to my astaggnishments after all I have done and said and gone on and on and on about throughout our wonderful land since the patriotic time I went rouge and off my message boards there after my brutal Katie Couric encounter with the newspaper breakfast and also the gotcha memorisms that she inflicted at me, it is to not under any circusdances wear too many colors for those camera angles like Ann Romney is doin here because all I couild think about was it's not over till the rich lady sings so I couldn't forget those controversies that her husband did when he told half of our vast populations to go take a hike along our nation's amber waves ingrained and lushed valleyways goshdarnit, because that clown outfit musta cost so much money plus who sold it to her anyways?
Doggonit, Mitt Romney's Hell Week Was Like A Sharp Lamestream Newspaper Stick In The Eye And So Forth ...
Doggonit, youbetcha we're not freakin out as the lamestream media says across this great nation with their lamestream Royal Jelly Queen Elizabeth Katie Couric sittin up there on her lamestream thrown with her lamestream crown of jewels and her septic made from old breakfast newspapers that I don’t read just because a few of the GOP leaders who matter anymore have uh seethingly become jumpshippable and distanced their closenessity to Mitt Romney, with Chris Christie first doin a doublewide turnaround from those controversial percentables that Mittney said in his ambush movie role he fundraised in, plus Scott Brown over in Matchasucretts also did pull away from the um $50,000 a plate chewables that Luke Warmney did say, however to back up what Ritt Marmee is now sayin fluidly, which mirrorize our majesticable and dry riverbeds with soarin valleys that we see throughout this wonderful bus on my One Notion tour Greta or Sean, I do have Supreme lipstick that we will stop in the name of Mitt and we won't go straight to hell if by followin the train that Matt Rumney conducts for us as he pitbulls his campaign straight to such a, how shall I wordsay it, uh unique fashion statement which I would have gone on about at the convention if Chris Christie hadda given me some elbows room to hockeymom my textables but as we all know and love, I was traffic-coned out in the rain from the conventional centers in Florida.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Horsefeathers Goshdarnit Cause Youbetcha I Preheated My Goose When My Hot Saucy Words Were Prepared Too Early For Mitt's Spicy Blandishments Whatever They Are And So Forth ...
Doggonit, it seems like only yesterday youbetcha, that Fox News let me get back on out there with my expandin base and uh say some wordstreams again after tellin me to clam up and take a pipedown around the time of the convention that I was not given welcome mats to from the last time with Jomcane the Mavrik and inelegantly, which is a wordphrase that I can't get unstuck upside my head, invented by our eternal candidate Mitt who I had not overly endorsed and then was not allowed to speechly do so at the convention that I uh was also banned from, with the various barricades and cones placed across this great nation in front of the One Notion bus when I did try and enter the staged door of that patriotic banquet and convention hall to be gained egrets to which I was unable to do so, when just the other day I said the new text real cute-like that "Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama's goose is cooked" (LOutLOL) and that got a good reception Greta or Sean when I quoted it, but now the bird seems to be in the other foot as those precious forefeathers seem to have also gotten plucked into the uh political broths that are simmered up into our great land which he will have to re-gander to get a good view as to what he said to alter the flavor of what he will say that he cooked up.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Goshdarnit, youbetcha this vast hot-wing conspiracy where supposably Mitt Romney there for our President who was talked about so much at the last convention by goshdarnit nearly everyone except me, since I was told to keep a lid on it and clam up f'cryin out loud, is sposta be sayin this and that with all of the so called percent figurines about numbers and mathegraphicals in that fuzzy video which is again Greta or Sean, another one of the lamestream media's attemptin to do whatever it is they do that they are famous about, like when they tried to do it at me durin the last time I was escorted onto the major network programs to answer unprepared answers concerning my breakfast cereals and reading materials that I had while on the campaign trails with my expandin base and Jomcane the Mavrik leadin up to our loss when I went rogue to become a household item after I left bein the head of Alaska and plus that hilarious blockhead Joe The Plumber was also conjoined with us to say many of his nearphraseables when the cameras that we were aware of were turned up, after adjustin our platforms and lipsticks, insteada the candid cameras there to catch us sayin what we really know about at those times (which I was not pre-informed of) and which is what Mitt Romney has filmed, or so they say, which I brush off with an amber wave of grain of salt.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Christine O'Donnell Bewitchinly Wants To Magically Do A Revanishing Act And I Want To Zap One Up Too Maybe And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, this recent turn of the screws inspires me youbetcha to possibly and perhaps in a thinkin-about-it kinda way remount my drive for a reboot (speakin of my wardrobes LOutLOL) for the Vice Presidential office job which I may announce durin one of the One Notion busrides that I do go on and on and on about with my extended grandchildren because I said (out loud out of my head) after bein told of this, hey why didn't I think of this tictac before Christine O'Donnell about re-runnin our roadshow with Jomcane the Mavrik and the erasable blockhead Joe the Plumber just because O'Donnell is now able to bewitchingly announce her magic plan and challenge those dark forces that worked against her last time just like with me and the lamestream media just cause I said I like to eat my Stella Dallas breakfast treats uninterrupted by newspapers that are hard to refold up again once you break the bindings on them which is what the lamestreamstress Katie Couric should know was the intents of what I was hemhawin, back then durin my last ambushed interview before I gradulated to the Fox shows with softer chairs for my expandin base and rear projections with color slides of the liquid waterways and mountainous valleys stainin our continent along our patriotic visas provided for me to comment about and harpalong to across this great nation which I intend to make a stab at again.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Goshdarnit, try as I might across this great nation to steal the attentionable limelights away from Luke Warmney by facebookin that thing they put in front of me wisecrackin about Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama growin a big stick phrased up in my own style by one of my parroteers which they have pat down, with how I do my "get-evens" in the past with my hilarious angerjabs and barbtauntables that got me all the applauses and laffs a few years back when at the convention I was invited to with Jomcane the Mavarik, insteada this time around when I was told to "dont' call us, we'll call Chris Christie, you" and shut your trap and pipe down, I was kind hopin youbetcha that this would make my values get up again for my speakrousin fees while on my One Notion bus tours which was runnin low on the gas till I dipped my yapper there into the well of infomations that are searchable for me to textably go there down to those heights of what I have left doggonit, since I got scabs of time over here now and also too Fox News told me to stick a sock in it more often but I still am amusable for my many thousands of patriotic real Americans which do so dearly patriot my expandin base which was gettin wider and wider until I got more active again by standing up and showing my own big stick stump speech.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Goshdarnit, I'm just so deeply saddened youbetcha that this tragically timely event for me arose right in the nick of time there in Libya (where the sad event took place so I could make my sad but snappy jokes about it across this great nation just in time but to also be seriously remorsed as long as I got my digs in) for me to rigidly get back on up there and tweet off my wisecrackins and disrespectables and so forth and tell Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama to grow a big stick like he's some pal o' mine or a guy in a locker room there (to retext a popularly long-reachin phrase from when one of our former presidents said that stuff about gettin a hold of your chicken and havin it be put into everybody's pots), so immediately I shot over to my facebooks which is my best media and easy to grab a hold of (even in the dark and in the middle of the night plus I can always find it), also in so doin I hoped to get it back up quickly (my popularity) from where it once stood erect but lately had slowly drooped down from the peak and shrunk back when the convention folks and Fox News told me that I was no longer a new wrinkle so I should just let it go and drop it, so there they left me danglin there, as if I could just go limp all of a sudden like a sad dog who lost his big bone, but at the same time also I wanted to stick up for the boner that the lamestream media said Mitt Romney pulled out but anyway, havin those top secret briefs under there near my disposals to textover, I was able to comment from the sometimes scanty details that we have to work with to quippoutingly contact my followers because when they finally told me again and again and again this mornin what I should shoot out there in the way of a reaction, once I stiffly rose up (even though it was one of those gloomy days where the sun don't shine) I shoved myself right back in there to the place where I can again talk about these prickly issues and not keep it zipped up as we constantly apply pressure and friction on our opponent since it looks like a tight election until our decisions are finally released in November as long as we don't blow it and have another mess to clean up until the next one rears its ugly head.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Doggonit, I'll Get By Till The Clouds Roll By, Smile -- Lose That Long Face -- Sail Away, I Don't Care -- I Could Go On Singing When My Sugar Walks Down The Street Some Of These Days If I Only Had A Brain After You've Gone Over The Rainbow -- Be A Clown, Get Happy, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas On The Atchison Topeka And The Santa Fe And So Forth ...
Doggonit, that's whatcha gotta do youbetcha to pick yourself off, dust yourself up when the lamestream chips get you down and out across this great nation in the footsteps of our forefathers like the other day when Fox News texted me to lipstick it back on home throughout our patriotic country so insteada doing that I took to my facebooks and typed out my revengable displeasurated tweetblurts and also too when the convention folks there in charge of bookin the current speech majorettes for the Florida RNC get-together with the party platforms and issues and signs and hats that I used to be winkably present for up there as the star of that doggone showcase with Jomcane the Mavrik and that interstellar blockhead Joe The Plumber told me to go and tell-my-story-walkin-sister and clam up Chatty-Lou-Hoo what did I do insteada goin home via the One Notion bus in order to keep my expandin base big you may ask goshdarnit and thanks for askin because what I did was is I kept a big frozen baked Alaska smile on my face there and with my high starched wardrobes and my hair piled high upon my head I clang clang clanged along in the face of those lamestream media negative trolleycar trainwreck reports of my demisins which are greatly examinated throughout our magnificent amber wanes of graves.
Sayin The Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama Poll Bump Up Was A Sugar High Is A Rather Insulint Comment That Sugar Coats The Bitter And Sour Job Numbers And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, youbetcha that sugar high remark is rather insulint for the Ryan and Romney campaigns to make in light of their less than Splendad convention pollbounces with recent rather dull and saccharine speeches which I was clammed up for and shut outa and boyhowdy they woulda gotten better ratins perhaps if I hadn't been pushed off the stage by Chris Christie with his big Sweet 'N Low keynode up there kickin sand in my face like a big comic book bully where I was gonna do the talkin or so I was led to believe across this Equal great nation by all the voices As Part A Me pointin in that direction and tellin me in my head that I would be able to bring out the springboards and platforms with the snappy phrasefragments and audience sweeteners that I was famously packaged, painted and dimpled up for that last time with JomCane and Joe the Plumber when the Mavrik and I barnstormed across the country puttin the fear o' Fox into everyone because of the dangerous radical anti real American foreign strange not good unlikeable harsh socialistical terroristic scary angry overseas alien exotic imported unnatural controversial hazardous flag-threatenin worriable afraid-makin terrible awful bad patriotically unhealthy things that we have had our governmen turn into since Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama's sugar coatin of our sour employment numbers and bitter moods we're all in for.
Youbetcha I Thought I'd Be Sayin Dots Vidalia To The Russia Issue, But Here We Go With Paul Ryan Tryin And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, since I am an expert tease about Russia and their so-be-it-union or whatever, I must speak up unlike at the convention where I was told to clam up, so anyways there goes the lamestream media, throned up by its queen, Miss Katie Couric youbetcha, still askin those horrible answers and now gettin her lamestream friends to ask their journlistic gotchables to Paul Ryan trying to explain what Rom Mittney said and obviously still gettin back at me since this is still all about me throughout our great land with its traditions of my free speeches because now my words per minute talkin fee bottomed out even with my sizeable expandin base there, tryin to make Ryan's hope go down the real American drains across our great land, anaconda one microsceptic thing I frontporched about Russia way back when with Jomcane the Mavrik and that inernational lughead Joe the Plumber and also too because of that Katie Cohort's friend Tina Fey with her cruel ventrologist act starrin me when by this time and after all I spoke for them on the Fox Hours to shut me down and out from from the convention like some dummy thank you very much Chris Christie just because you kept your big job the whole way through and I rogued out to become a more famous end ditty than you, I patriotically thought I woulda been sayin dots vidalia to that whole Russue but even if I begged and got down on my knee yet, it still is there doggonit.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Those Boneheaded Things Get Me Right In The Bread Basket When My Funny Bone Gets A Brain Freeze And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, it's about time our medically knowledged politicians across this great nation took a stand for those things throughout our wonderful and amber wavin nation that we enjoy and behold close to our grains and other organs that they speak at with those controversial issues such as having offsprings and whether or not they should be harshly debated within our nether-bordered regions of public lands and private areas because when it comes to extended grandkids and sleepover type relatives, whatever things that Mr. King said about them that I will text up are what we should be upholdin and I am very agreeable to them, as we drive toward November with our countdown candidate Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan also too with their support from women because those direct actions that we womenfolk should be doin in the forefathers footsteps to help them (and even the foremothers too who are sometimes in those backgrounds makin soaps and other crude cosmetics or sewin a flag for us to fly and seekin office sometimes and then goin on to become celebrities such as I have done except recently when I was basically told by Fox News and the convention to go home and make them a shut-up sandwich and to can it, which is another fine craft that us ladies do when the harvest comes a comin) reach their achievables to take the continent back from the radicals out there who act just like big babies with unpleasant droolables.
Friday, September 7, 2012
I Know You Are But Who Am I To Rush To Judgements About Rush's Judgments About Rush And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, havin been on the short end of the lamestream mediastick myself youbetcha, I am certainly in opposition to stand up for those humane rights with freedoms of speeches across this great nation where we can no longer say and do and think and see and spell and read and write and text and blink and wink and sit and talk and do facebooks and be on the television news programs and get our own radio shows and poke the audiences to say those controversial things about how things are goin down the radical drain these days and takin the country back and so forth since the risks of bein a famous reader like I and Rush Limbaugh are out there, with Rush bein one of our largest and most grand radio volumes across this great nation and one of my favorite radio forefathers who now is bein unfairly blown up by the lamestream media but at least he can still get to say things unlike I, who was not dirigibly upon the convention stage like that last time with Jomcane the Mavrik when I had the wardrobes and punchlines that were form fitted to play my vocal cards, plus my recent Fox news demotions which the lamestream media and that Katie Couric probably had a lamestream hand in with all of her fancy lamestream broadcast friends and their lame things over there like they always have at me and plus I still say youbetcha that Clint Derwood had every right to go on up there and be unscriptated goshdarnit, just like I would have done but as we all know since I keep sayin it, I was gagorderly told to zip-it and clam up and not say any of my completely spontaned things from the top of my head there across this great nation in the footsteps of our forefathers in honor of those patriotic chairmen before they were long dead in our histories and wonderfully beloved declarations and independenced freedoms of speech and the right to sit where we want to which later examplified themselves durin the turbo lent decade of the 60's with civil rights as I remember them with the famous Rosa Parks v. Elizabeth Montgomery boycott case issue which happened because of their differences and basic mortal things that they wanted to twitchabout at the convention but were prohibited to do so because of those unlawful and ungrateful rules that were zapped down after all I've done for them like apply my magic speakin touch across this great land with my One Notion bus tours and supportin the candidates from every state that we have gone to even if there was a continental divide between the RNC convention and oh my once shinin stars this time around unlike the Jomcane the Mavrik tourtime hours that we had with Joe The Plumber in the rumpled seat sometimes.
John Kerredy And His 57 Varieties Of Lamestreamery Have Made Me Catchup On My Words Which Is No Condiment And So Forth ...
Doggonit, I did indeed flip my wig because I raced over to the Fox News studios on the One Notion Bus so fast with "the petal to the medal" after John Kerredy and his 57 varieties of lamestreamery said my name, my facebooks and my face lit up like a goshdarn Christmas Tree Store so that I could again be studiopowderpainted to trillforth my talkabouts that I have become reknowned for across this great station, except for before, durin, after, and about the RNC convention due to my time slot pushed over so fulltimer Chris Christie would have enough air to replace my pre-prepared keynode speech, so naturally bein normal and real American with my family also too, I was shocked up that my name would be said through the lamestream media's goricaticals, with the famous international incidents of Russian porch-light-is-on-nobody-home-there when I did in fact have seen and done those scenes from my stoop, as I would have said from the stump had I not been stopped and told stick a sock in my yap to plugup my freedoms of amendments where I also have heard our precious amber wanes of graves and to be a patriotic touchstick for our political talks, even if it belittifies him across this great nation with his fancy million airs and "catsup" insteada plain old real American "catchup" like I'm sposta to take it as a condiment but it left me with bad taste instead.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Stings And Arrows Of The Political Game Are Like Targets Archedly Slung Toward Their Targets And So Forth ...
Doggonit, I think it's not right youbetcha to downmouth your political enemies and hatredables with such tarfeathery type comments across this great nation the way that the radical democrat folks on the either side of the isle got up and did to our ultimate nominee goshdarnit, which is somethin I didn't get the chance to do throughout this wonderful land since bein bumped off the Christieplatform and stages that I was once so audiencely welcomed up with, with my tartbarbery plus snappy sayins gettin all those laughs and attentions on me that one time with Jomcane the Mavrik and that incredibly outspokened blunderbust Joe the Plumber with his angry questions hilariously disrespectin Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama in his face (LOutLOL) about his plumbin store which was a tomfibbery but that's bedside the points there because it was so much fun to be all in his face and streetsmart and whatnot but anyhow since I didn't get to say nuthin, also plus too when Fox News told me to clampett granny, I was so distressable that I took to my Tweetbed and my facebookins staff to explode my displeasurables at the texts I've read from what real Americans said about those horribly and unprofessionally done things said against Mitt Ryan, who I spoke about also but much more blandularly when it was allowable for me to go on and on about those relevant things long ago insteada bein a good sport and supportin him which I didn't do, much to my shagrins since the convention folks slipped me one of those Everlastin Gobstoppers to stop up my everlastin and once unstoppable gob.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Doggonit, if I had some nickels youbetcha for every time I put my foot in it across this great nation in the footsteps of our forefathers which I still do since those days with Jomcane the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber durin the last convention when my standup routine and snappy personalities were so dearly welcomed with open arms insteada this time around where I was cold-shouldered and told to put a tubesock in it plus before the double-whammy of Fox News tellin me to rotator cuff it and clam up throughout this broadcast conventional and patriotic airwaves that again, once did welcomly open me with those applauses and greetins which were once wardrobed that I talked about just now earlier when I started to outflail this current story about Paul Ryan who apparently got on the bicycle built for two statements with the backpedalin and so forth which he seems to do now because his pantleg of facts durin his speech got caught up in the chain chain chain of the lamestream media earnin him no R-E-S-P-E-C-T-S so to avoid ridin the rims till November when we get to take our country back he needs to pump some air of excitement back in to lift our party up high enough so we can grab it back from Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama to jog our short memories back to the way we remember how they were goshdarnit.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
I Yam Agog-gug-gog-gug-gog-gug-gog At What He Says Whensk He Says That He Yis What He Yis And That's All That I Yam Sayin That He Says When He Says That He Yis What He Yis When He Says That That Is What He Yis Which Is What I Yam Yammin To Yous And So Forth ...
Doggonnit, what I forgot to say since bein told to clam up for the convention but I'm over it youbetcha and when Fox News told me to put a sock into it but I'm over it (that) now plus, is that I memorized about when our obvious nominee mimictated the Popeye animated character due to the fact that he has been accused of not havin any fluid motions and movements as scene on TV except for his shiftin positions (LOutLOL) since they are drawn new all the times there with the guidance of those two knobs, attached to the red Etch-A-Sketch window which are then apparently turned upside down (as I am not familiar with usin things with all of my hands and four fingers at once) like the erasable convention parts that I didn't watch with those patriotic platforms and the lights and grandpa's empty chair and color slide backgrounds just like I have rear projected on the hindparts of my home studio that they built before my star had flatscreened upon me goshdarnit just cause I kept stickin my bottom lip out about not gettin my way over the many months and famous years when I have been so dearly welcomed into the numerous bountified rivers, streams, and ear canals across this great nation and beamed into real American televisions and through the handholdable devices throughout our wonderful country that we put our thumbs into also.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Even Though I Was Neilsen-Eddied By Fox News, I Shall Continue To Trillforth Into The Continental Divides And Ear Canals Across This Great Nation And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, what actually happened across this great TVLAND is that I self-deported myself from the FOX News chat-'N'-chew hours in support of the ticket that I so partheartedly endorsed by givin up my time and seat completely voluntarily youbetcha, yeah that's the ticket, because I needed to be donatable of those things and to limelight them over to the new me, Paul Ryan (I texted that one up this mornin while not readin the papers and newsreels) and although the lamestream media which lamely streams out from Katie Couric's mouthpieces (and her elk) will indubabably say that I was slipped some Krazy Glue lipstick after gettin all polished, painted and dimpled up to deliver my televisdoms, that was not the case, (however did I go a smidge rogue to say that Fox canceled me to protect my valuable and expandin baseprice and my widenin flanks of dearly loved ranks and files which may get me into hot water) anyways I shall mightily topple off my silenced heels as the forefathers did also disemboot themselves before me, as their scrolled wordments have been footstepped down deep into our histories by the socks of silence that have also been jammed into their longdeadly beloved mouths of freedom, just as those tubesocks have happened to me throughout our warm and fuzzy nation, as I now find that my trilltrails have been ejected and fast-forworded into the lost laundries of bygone times as I proudly wear my high-heeled snowshoes and plus too (whether that storm be manmade by man or through an act of religious freedom of speech) weather this storm in those proud and grizzlied traditions that have always beared me up durin the silently frozen eras where the icicles of freedom have been meltable through my warm air pockets, for I will also be hailed once I get back to there with thundering claps and seals of approval from those who have herd me, as I try not to beat myself over the head because of those radical clubs that have nearly extincted and endangerously specied me there and even more furthermore youbetcha, although I have been Nielsen-Eddied across this great nation, the ungobstoppable traditions that I sing out so dearly loudly of, from high atop my One Notion Bus and underneath my powdered-wiggables, will continue to forever earworm from the majestical Rocky Mountain High notes all the way into the continental drifts and ear canals of patriotism and plus also too, throughout our beloved old geysers of freedom which are hourly eruptible with the proud steam-aheads of real American prideswells which I will continue to trillforth, as history and the Jeanettecists will bear out.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The Fruited Planes Have Landed And Expired Their Freshness Dates Since Fox News Told Me Not To Bountifully Harvest My Raspberries And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, I guess my limelights have finally turned sour across this great land since my horn-of-plenty catchphrases and harvests o' raspberries have been left to spoil on the branches for no one to pick and absorb my patriotic real American nutritional family values and pulpfictions that I was prepared to A) speak about at the convention before I was told to can them, and 2) my home-away-from-bus, Fox News, has cored me like a apple and peared me down from my expandin base viewers, treatin me like Carmen Miranda Wright's old fruitbasket hat left out in the sun with my former apple-cheeked lipsticks and waxy television coatings now lookin like yesterday's leftover breakfast where I still don't recall what newsreels they give me to read when I sit down, thank you very much Miss Lamestream Katie Couric who probably plotted this whole lamestream thing, with her lamestream attacks and behind-the-lamescene friends, so now I can't even get a word in edgeways hashtaggit when the last time conventionally with Jomcane the Mavrik, I was the centerpiece at the galldarn table, however now I am just a side-dish left off the main menu and even off the Allah cart doggonit (which leads me to believe that it's a White House radical plot to get me to pucker up because of sour grapes that the First Lady is forcin us to eat) which I find hard to swallow for this great nation's health.
Youbetcha, I kinda gotta admit it was hard goshdarnit for some of us to hear the so-called keynode speech this time from way far away from the welcomin "WELCOME" mats of the convention there, through the insulated and vinyl-wrapped cold aluminum shell of the One Notion Bus, usin that remarkable earpiece slash hearin-aid gizmo as seen on TV on the infoprogram (shown right after that informative Victoria Principle skin tighten-up-your-frowny-face commercial with the creams and various ointments across this great nation), but from what I was able to gardner through background grunts and seat-shiftins, full-time Governor Chris did a pretty good jab up there of ungently gettin the message applied and spread all over, instead of me expandin my own sizeable base, sayin those things that I wouda should coulda saida but I was told that my services would not be necessary and insteada me they went for the so-called "bully-puppet" that I learned about through several textmails and those historical browser research "point and click" support group sessions which I go to regular since bein given the heave-ho this year from the speechperch where I once put my mighty platforms on with Jomcain the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber, although I am unresentfilled and not sadly emoticoned about it doggonit, even if the lamestream media there once again says I am or even if Katie Couric's behind a bush or bus barricade just waitin to pounce again.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Generally Eisenhower And Adelaide Stevenson Are Several Of My Heroic Figurines, And Robin Williams Will Be Hilariously Out Of This World In The Acting Portrayal Of Him And So Forth ...
Youbetcha I can't wait to be invited to the premiere of anything again and so this wonderfully hilarious story of Captain Eisenhower as portrayed by Robin "Ork from Mork" Williams across this great nation since I have much more spare time after bein told to ixnay my eech-spay at the onvention-kay (LOut-oudL-Lay) and in general, Eisenhower was able to improvide some zany "off the top of the cuff" funny military speechclicks and noisebuzzes so I can't wait to see him do that like I used to do up there with Jomcain the Mavrik and that lovable kickside Joe The Plumber with his idiosinkralities just like Robin Williams, so dearly comedial to those of us who have now been cuttinroom-floored this year, but I'm fine with that doggonit and not bitterly angry and not revengeful because anyway I get to spend more time with my family for personal reasons for several family fundraisers like other normally drab real American families do with extended grandchildren along the bus lanes whether they be the main historical co-stars of the show like his wife Mame who can be played by any number of good actors, except for Julie Ann Moore Nixon Eisenhower who is not a good portrayable actor at all and even perhaps Adelaide Stevenson because I have been doin books and research texts about so many things since I have so much more time here to talk to myself.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Goshdarnit youbetcha it must be fun to be one of the insider people this time, invited to be inside the convention I mean, insteada lurkin outside in the rain from a big One Notion Bus like this year since they ran out of space for speaktalkin once Chris Christie took over the area that I and millions of others assumed I would be takin up like the last time over there, all shined up and strapped in with the Mavrik Jomcain and Joe The Plumber but now I just feel so drained since bein told to pipe down and plus also I'd have to wear a funnier nose and mustache glasses to snake past the bouncers because from what my sore says are textin me from their advantage points near the barbwire, there's a picture of me with a "DO NOT ADMIT HER IN" sticker slapped on it, pasted right across the mouth as things are gettin goin, with Mitt there talkin about all his negative and quite frankly, awful and terrible setbacks plus weak campaign slumps to sound like they were Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama's fault which is how I remember us doin the blamey game when I used to get told those notes and rules before I was left in the lurch of my past sparkly glories, the dry dust of forgotten words and phrasemakins kicked up into my eye by the heels of our great forefathers and treated like that singer Pariah Carey Nation doggonnit, because they're afraid I'll go all rogue and bust up the place with an axe or some media grabbin poutlights or a Mister Miss Microphone to take away from the relevant talks that are scheduled then.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
It Is Scientificially Bad Science That I Will Not Be Able To Release My Cattylist Of Unstable Elements Into The Mixture At The Convention's Compound To Get A Reaction And So Forth ...
Thursday, August 23, 2012
I'm Just Sayin But I'm Not Sayin Mitt Romney There Says There's A Gag Order There On What You Can't And Can't Ask About This Whole Akin Paul Ryan Mess And So Forth ...
Dogonnit, youbetcha even I coulda handled this goshdarn lamestream media thing better if they had only let me do my convention distraction speechtalkin with my cracked team of investigationist reporters and tweeters and facebookers and presshandlers and internetters and webstirrers and cosmetologers and wardrobe mistressers and hairdressers and cobblers and skintoners and necktighteners and chinstrappers and earwhisperers and trendhoppers and chartstackers and slangslingers and factgrabbers and quotepullers and lintcheckers and busdrivers and nailpolishers and bootshiners and eyebrowpencilers and madhatters and icemakers and moisturizers and feesetters and family members but I have been sadly and most face-slappinly disembarred and elbowed out by other full time Governor keyspeakers from the entire boundary and convention “per amateur” property lines and media blackout holdin pens that will be takin place and heavily armed for the hurricane across this proud nation down there around the Tampa Basin area so I was thinkin about doin one of those flyovers that were so popular durin the Katrina, when George Bush looked down and out, out down the window there with a serious concernicon plus serious jawfrowns for the future of our party’s own two feet, arms and legacies as well as our nation’s national interests because the Romney Ryan’s hope situation seems to be a high pressure system which is full of ironing because hurricanes are very low in those pressure areas as I have been informed by the barameters that measure them.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Goshdarnit, many times across this great nation I have gone on and on and on about our related patriotic and precious fluid values that have defined our nation's country, (now on a freelance or "wherever I can" basis since the convention is "OFF LIMITS", but anyway) startin from the forefathers' ales and harsh brews to the modern-day lite beers, coolers and also sports beverages which we consume in order to give us "wings" to fly up to behold our heady values that were deposited and returned upon us, includin the energy drinks that some of our younger kids are chuggin for bursts of awakedness and alertivity that must propush the next real American generation ahead towards the upcomin and future Novembers that are to come up, because these things there will trickle down to them, buildin up to a torrentable rainfall of freedom and liberty celebrated on election day, sprinklin us with victory and to reince away the last 4 years or so of our present radical and stormy government down into the storm-drains where they belong to be, as we condense our Ryan's hopes and wet Romney dreams to be absorbed into us like a red white and blue Shamwow, Akin to the magic pot of liquid gold oar spoken about into the Bible located at the end of the rainbow up ahead there for us to quicker picker up it, before it all evaptorates again if we lose.
Oh, My Akin Todd And You Can Pick Your Friend's Noses But You Can't Pick Their Mouths Out Of Misfortunate Choices Of Words And So Forth ...
Monday, August 20, 2012
What's So Big About Skinny Dippin In The Sea of Galilee When I Have Been Stripped Bare And Thrown To The Undertows Without A Speech To Spoke In And So Forth ...
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Goshdarnit, here and now one of our Tea Party men across this great nation is bein hound-hammered dogonnit for drawlin his vocal stylins a little toward the audience that he was speechtalkin with which is necessary because I have done so with my many talkblasts throughout this wonderful nation when disembussing from my One Notion Sarah's Ark and find myself faced with different lookin faces across real America that demand that I speak at them except of course at the Republican Convention this time where y'all told me to get back on the bus and where did you ride in from type comments so just keep rollin Sister and the Rafalca you rode in on, but that's another story for me to go on and on about later with the way Chris Christie gobbled up my timeslot, however when the fine young Josh Mandelbrought some down-home pickins and grinnins to his speech there reminds me of when I was doin a thing down along the Mensa Company where I was there on a pass and found myself usin big ole words such as "research" and "verify" and was faced with variously strange tongues and factcheckin methods which weakened my thumbs fiddle-dee-dee for the facebookin and tweeterin method I have become integrated with when adoptin those accents and regionalismatic countrytime vapors and hayseed twangins and also when Noreasterly with the famous Connecticut-jaw accent adapters when pronouncin several words up there such as "top drawerrrrrr."
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Youbetcha I Am Shocked That Joe O'Biden Charged Those Racially Credited Remarks On Accounts Revolvin Over All Real Americans And So Forth ...
Well dogonnit, I had to say somethin real fast there edgewords in reply to these things, since I was shut up from the convention this time around goshdarnit and squished down by Chris Christie youbetcha across this wonderful country, plus also too I happen to have expertease advice on exactly what things "drag down a ticket," back then that one time with Jomcain, pardon me, Senator Mavrik, back then at the 2008 McCain, when I was first notable with the selected wardrobes and face-firmin technologies and snappy "YouTube-level" comeback commentary insults that anchored me Bambily across the country toward my expandin base which has been fannin out there and gettin wider durin the past few years across the ungirdled fields and amber planes of waves throughout our national landscapes that I look down upon from my One Notion Sarah's Ark Bus durin my roadshows and covered plate dinner speeches that I am invited to and so graciously and humbly charge nominably for my time and talons when it comes to important political and patriotic-type subjects in the shadowed footsteps and pointed values of our forefathers' forefingers which Joe O'Biden is painfully unaware of and sticks in the very eye of history, with his hurtful and shockin comments which wounded me deeply because of my well-known dedications to these sensitive racial issues across those areas affectin those people.
Goshdarnit Honey, These Radical Campaigns Full Of Stings And Arrows Just Can't Beehive And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, if I've heard it once across this great nation from up in Alaska mostly, I've heard it a thousand times then youbetcha, all about the "I know you are but what am I" campaign strategy that we get told to us by the powders that be, dustin off those types of schoolyard taunts and jeerjabs that we must aim at our opponents, and then run away so that they cannot run away with their radical agendas and recipies for socialist just desserts, which is by golly what we deserve and will leave such bad tastes in our patriotic and traditionally upheld mouths if we let the Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama camp and their bakeries sell these things that our new Ryan's Hope and Romney are tryin to take back throughout this countryside, includin the purple majesty mountains and fruits sweepin down the hill like in that Oklahoman musical about Oklahoma called "Oklahoma" that many real Americans do so enjoy tappin their American values toes to, keepin these traditions and wavin heels of amber that we see from our One Notion Sarah's Ark alive, as we speed by these dots on the map and also the malls, spreadin seeds and patriotic pollen, like pridefull bees, swarmin in the truth throughout this historical country as we drive into November to find the safety of the convention hive which I am not the queen bee of this season, or at least that's the buzz I hear about it with Chris Christie now takin up all the air and airtime which at first stung me somewhat when I heard it through the grapevine because last year I was swelled with pride but now that's gone down.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Dogonnit, although the powders that be are tryin to dull down my limelights and dim my blindin shiny attention-grabbin talks at the upcomin convention that I was told to be a "no-show" at across this great nation, that does not mean that my firmly set plus patriotic jawbone and nearby gums will be unflappable durin these days for our party, as we lead up to the November primary youbetcha, just because my dearly important message points for the future of the real America at the convention over there have been unrehearsed and demoted down from any national bullhorn, because again my new motto is "don't trod on me", since I have a way of takin my expandin base and One Notion Sara's Ark bus to these media-type areas just in the knack of times to be pushin out my sayins and jabforths durin these important primetimes, also maybe I'll just use all of my combined informations and medias (but not the lamestream ones, we all know about them, thank you so very much Katie Couric, Little Miss Television Show Off Big Deal Network Interviewer Lady and Mrs. Ask-A-Lotta-Questions with your nonsense rhymes back then about my breakfast newspaper) so I can be like an outsider lookin in, with my face pressed up against the glass of freedom and the revolvin door, so that my steamtruths will fog up against the historical panes as I breathe out my very own conventions with every breath in myself.
Dogonnit youbetcha, all the speechtalkin slots seem to be all given away to those members except me who "stuck with" the GOP there, like Chris Christie who I guess got the speakinspot that I was sposta get after I up and quit that job of President of Alaska to seek brighter famelights, even though many of my hardcores do remember, I did hold many places with Jomcain the Mavrik, with the fondly remembered wardrobe budgets and attention-catchin lipstick laugh lines all over my face across our great nation, but this year galldarnit I guess I'll have to watch from my One Notion Sara's Ark Bus, unless I decide to rogue again, and crash the Good Ole Party there to get a word in edgeways the way I do on the Fox programs with Greta van Hannity and Sean who always reserve a space for me unlike the powders that be runnin the convention show this time who have taken my ego and thrown it under my big bus (LoutLOL) but at least in the proud traditions of the great forefathers I can get a big sense of humor about bein left out in the swamp this time around to make room for the keynote speaker who admittedly does have a wider base than I do, or so it seems, for the reinforced stage of messages that we want to hoist up there and support him on which of course I always will remain with my loyalties and so forth.