Sunday, October 30, 2011
I'm Gonna Gas Up The Big Bus Full Of Gas And Aim It At Iowa For The Upcomin Crocuses Springin Up ... And So Forth
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My Fifteen Minutes Is Like Playin That Game Beat The Clock Where You Have To Beat The Clock ... And So Forth
Doggonnit, youbetcha with all that’s goin on in this great land of ours and the world also across this great nation and me not bein a part of it cuz I’m just about almost irrelevant and very untimely now finally for the first time since me and Jomcain and Joe The Plumber were back there talkin bout all the things that Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa was gonna do to mess up this wonderful land that our forefathers did for us back then in those times, (and speakin of Joe The Plumber, I think I was told somethin about him runnin for an office or such appointment soon maybe, so I’m gonna keep my phone line handy in case he wants me to trot myself on out there for many supportin words and sentence fragments of encouragement and endorsable opportunities on the bus with appropriately sized banners and portable podium and plug-in microphone adapters that I have handy to be able to set up at a moment’s notice at a mall or stadium or high school gymnauseum or lodge or hotel lobby or banquet room or church basement or town square or arena or stadium or ballpark or cafeteria or garage sale or community picnic or bowlin alley or open house or public park or rooftop or barn or lighthouse or chicken coop or dentist’s office or convenience store or boat launch or airport or train depot or taxi stand or hardware store or anywhere actually) but anyway it seems my handlers and packers and wordfolks are havin a hard time comin up with snappy and barbable things for me to say about all of those current topics which escape me at the moment, so I’ll have to get back to you on that (try as my staff might, bless them so) and so forth with Rick Perry ridin that rollercoaster campaign of his with the debates all mucked up there so he can hardly tell what he means to say, and then Herb Cain with the outrageous advertisements and statements and tax plans which are bein gone over by those tax professionals there provin to be not so good as those deals that he says they’re gonna be now that we look at them, and that Michele Bachmann, who did steal my spotlamps back then when she announced that she was gonna file those papers and parchments in the tradition of our foundin leaders back then about runnin for President with those same debates (and bless her so with all those little headaches runnin around her house there plus too the migraines) before I announced finally that I was gonna to not run after askin for all those big piles and sacksfull of money sacks that I had my Sarahpac sock away for me, workin the phones for my moneybags there, up to the last minute before I sacked those plans and bagged my potential there to be able to checkout on whether to register to be leadin our great land with all of its hills and valleys (Ovally) because for some reason I was told that I thought I could actually stick with a job for more than 2 years after all this time of me bein on my recent career after leavin the Alaska shift back then when I was tapped, plus Mitt Romney there sayin this and that one day and then sayin that and this the next day to be contra-compatible with those things and speeches that he has previously put out there before and after as well as for and against himself sometimes whenever to the delightmentary entertainment of those lamestream media folks out there who just love to trip ya up like that Katie Couric did to me but that was a long time ago when she did these things, askin me all sortsa questions about what I could and couldn’t read in those mornings before I was in the business of gassin up the big One Notion Bus parked out back and havin those books written with me and the speeches that I give and do, so that there’s hardly any time left for me to criticize the President on his weak leadership skills that I have been told about and thus has led to the capture and eliminations of those threats to our security and those terrorist leaders like Osama and Kadafy over there that were in my opinions just the continuatory policies that were paved down from the previous administration’s infractures with all their ground works and pipelines that were laid down for him to follow in after all these years of trenchin and of course we can’t and should not give him credit for all of these new and current things at all because leadin from behind is the thing we say about him that seems to be catchin on with the folks from coast to coast cause it’s so easy to say and chew and remember and we wouldn’t be caught dead throwin him a doggone dogbone or tossin him a table scrap of crumbpraisement for cryin out loud on what may be easily confused as a job well done, or maybe even so a so-called accomplishment, although I did recently slip up that one time and criticize someone on the Fox News who said somethin bad about me about somethin I had said bad about someone else that I couldn’t just leave alone, I had to pick at it like a sore and of course had to fire back because of my thin skin and whatnot but that seemed to backfire up me and to drop me down there with my relevant coverage on the programs that I usually appear on all the livelong day when I can travel to there, or if not from my own home studio (which is actually in my own home) with the scenic vistas and slides that have my rear projections there for the people to see and hear on those fair and balanced broadcasts that are beamed outforth accordin to those plans for the segments that we bring to the real Americans who are still with us for the time that I have left until I find somethin else to do since there seems to be time runnin out lately for me to do them which does make me sit in wonderment and gaze out across the hills and valleys about whether the fifteen minutes that I get durin those televised segments are gonna still be up or not soon.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I Can't Hear You, Mr. President But Maybe It's Because My Beltway Is Too Tight And Our Economy Is Gone With The Wind ... And So Forth
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Doggonnit, now since after I announced my surprise and suspense filled announcement that wasn’t really a big surprise or filled up with suspense and whatnot (about not runnin for president) after askin for that big last minute push for money on my behalf from my doggedly determined pack of Sarahpac cash packers over there, sendin out the emails and askin for the dough there, right up until I was gonna decide what not to do and whatnot, I’ve got a lotta time on my hands to go and do what it is that I have been doin from my big bus, criss crossin this great nation that we must take back ever since it was taken away from us from the Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama crew right then after the votin went on with me and Jomcain the Mavrik back then durin that Summertime and Joe the Plumber and other assorted people and clothes that we collected along the way leadin up to our stunnin and victorious loss across this great nation in front of everyone (since a campaign is a sometime thing and all) right before I stepped up, up and away, and down from my Alaskan throne there, givin up my Crown there down in Alaska before I decided to breach myself across new territories and further up myself with the endorsin opportunities I had for myself and various members of my family up and down the land much to the dismayberment of the lamestream media with their Katie Couric type jump-out-from-behind-a-pushcart-and-ask-you-a-question-that-you’re-not-pre-pre-pared-to-answer-at-this-point-in-time-so-I-will-have-to-get-back-to-you-on-that-at-some-point-in-the-future-there type obstacles that get in the way of the real Americans like myself, who are indeed followin in our forefather’s footsteps right behind them as they laid them down for us to be thereafter in, as they guide us from there hereafter now then in those historical vaults and marble halls for which we enstoned them those many years ago and where I do so visit durin our gigantic tour buses such as the One Notion bus that I tool around in when promotin those messages that we have to get on out there, similarly like Paul Revere did (who I have mentioned of in the past) with the bell ringin throughout Lexington, Concord and Welch’s, with speeches that he told of from atop Silver, his horse there, durin those historic nights when sayin hi-ho and one lamp if by land was lit up over there like a headlight and so forth across the country, beaconin out like a beacon and shinin there for us to be proudly wavin across this great land where I will still be endorsin folks plus bein a regular part of the discussions to make sure that the Gullah bull that the current administration is tossin out there like catfish on a Friday, misleadin this nation made up of us to take part in the sportin’ life instead of the real American values type life that we try and get on out there and explain since it ain’t necessarily so and so on, (especially to be keepin the failed policies goin which we will try to stop) speech by speech for me to do, cuz there’s a bus that’s leavin soon for New York and so forth… and I’ll be on it then continuin to do these things for which I proudly do for the American values.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
25 Years Of The Simpsons Is A Great Achievement For The Renewal Of Real American Families Who I Animatedly See Through And Along This Great Backdrop Of A Nation And So Forth …
Gosh, yaknow it’s just so doggone heartwarmin but also bitterscotch when you hear bout a real American family like The Simpsons, thrivin for nearly 25 years but still strugglin with those middle classed normal values (however those folks do it there) with farmers now not even able to have a cow in the charmin hamburg of Springfield where I do hope to visit one day on my One Notion colossal bus extravaganza and investigative talkin tour along this great nation seein the many Homers, Marges, Brets, Lisas and that little Maddie Simpson with her pacifier all fallin down there, bein just outta reach like the American dream she usedta be able to aim over at and grab aholda with her four fingers as our forefathers did, like many families I animatedly voiceover to about how they try grabbin onto those things but now can’t cuz of Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’s opposable failed policies like a thumb in our eye, and his caratoonerish orders (like that Mr. Barnes does as Homer’s dear leader, blastin the American dream to smithersreens) across this great nation, sketchin us in the wrong direction, drawin us down and away from where we were tryin to renew America over to when Jomcain the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber sometimes and I were put there with speeches and fashions and neck-tightenin’ barbs and snappy sayins, just how Bret Simpson does it now for 25 years comin up (by which time we may have taken our country back by then goshdarnit).
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I’m Just A Half-Term Governor Who Can’t Say No Just In Time For Once In My Life So Please Release Me And I Am Tellin You I’m Not Runnin … And So Forth
Goshdarnit, it’s about doggone time I finally did decide to not finally run at last for that grand and not profitable enough high office of the President of the United States throughout this great nation of ours, for once not followin in the forefathers’ feet after so many hours of thinkin and prayin and wishin and hopin with my handlers and also too my family, so youbetcha I now boldly continue on in my rougey style then with my activities of bus ridin on my One Notion tour family extravaganza and roadshow spectacular whimsy ride-a-long book and personal appearance speech makin candidate endorsin televised opinionatin talkabout vocal expedition excursions, just as my spectacular rise was when I was goin there with Jomcain the Mavrik on those GOP stages and debatable events that brought me to the shiny world of gotcha journalism and lamestream media victimry that I have become known for across our great land that we must take back from where it was taken away from durin those times generally around the general election, so there will be so much more of me to hear and witness and be paid attention to since my timetable will now be taken up by these things I have been doin so far plus minus the makin up my mind part about runnin for President now so that will be one less active participation I will be able to be doin now as I continue on, still preachin the gospel about takin our country back from where it was shipped overseas to which I’m guessin is some foreign un-American hostile country once Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama got all in office there, and took it down that road that he’s goin down, spendin all our hard half-earned moneys plus wages and whatnots like a kid in a candy store with lots of money to be able to spend on candy there in the candy store with our candy money not his (and probably those exotic kinds of toffees and confructonaries that the real Americans can’t digest, namably those spicy Red-Hots with the little devil heads on the box which is fiendishly shockin and Anti-American if you were to ask me or even if you weren’t gonna ask me because I’d answer anyway because I seem to do that kind of thing across this great nation wherever I can set up a podium or a step-stool and a Mr. Microphone or karaoke set if an amplifier is not available which sometimes they are not, dependin upon the places where we go and cannot plug things into an available outlet) which does happen so many times across this great land of our forefathers whose footprints I will not stand on this time when I go from here to there to those places and meet the people at the events and malls where they ask me questions and I respond to them just so long as they fit into my prepared spontaneous answer grids and find-a-words that the folks workin like the devil (just like on those candy boxes are) always sketchin out replies and reactions for me to act upon and winkabout, and then havin me sit and at least try to memorize f’cryin out loud or at least read the answer off of my hand sometimes to those very questions printed out there which comes in handy when I run out of room up my head to hold onto all the words and complete sentences there for me to form so that the people will be able to gardner my knowledge from my vocal understandings, however, they will now be sadly depraved of my high and mighty replies of mine that I would be able to give out like candy from the office of the President but not now anymore youbetcha since I decided that I wouldn’t be seekin that President job which I could see myself so easily doin there better than Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama, followin in the footsteps of Governor Christie there I guess, even though he has mighty big shoes to fill but I did it anyway right after him when he said just the other day that he would not be stampin into the race at this late date, and also too those pointy things about leavin a job as Governor before your term is overwith to be “not good” even with the support of those real American that I talked about before that will be so unfortunately cut off from me and my talk-rope wordstrings because now I have finally decided to do so and say no and so forth finally to the question of whether or not I would be runnin for President which of course you have probably been able to figure out by now that the answer is “no I shall not” for me to be able to decide to say yes which was held up in question until now when I made it official.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
There She Goes Again Makin Goofs and Gaffs Followin In My Footsteps Like I Did But Bless Her Anyway ... And So Forth
Goshdarnit, bless her yknow what with all those kids to keep track of plus the pressures of the debate when all the staffs and folks jump ship off your campaign like rats off a sinkin kayak but it is kinda nice to let her enjoy these dwinderful moments now, doin what I did back then, followin in my footsteps there with my wardrobes and my outfits and my lipsticks and my pitbulls and my catchy sayins and my form-fittin speeches and Jomcain the Mavrik and now my One Notion tour bus (and Joe the Plumber I forgot him) I got goin steamroller-rinkin over to a mall or parkin lot across this great nation to continue our forefathers doin’s (only from the historical stagecoaches), as Paul Revere did through Lexington and Concord and Welch's warnin the folks which reminds me it's such a crimnible shame how the lamestream media jumps all over poor Michele like they did me when she makes one simple batch of goofs like I did with facts and such, like that one time Katie Couric pounced out at me when I couldn't remember my mornin papers and cereals but I do wish Michele Bachmann all the best, really I really do with the pitiful windin down there for these methods by the Real Americans to take part in those discussions she engagles us with and to take our country back before time runs out all across this great land for us.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Doggonit, when Governor Christie was up there with all the lights and cameras and attention and microphones and attention and lights and attention and attention and folks askin questions with all the attention, I couldn’t help but feel a little ignored and whatnot since I have been goin through so many gymations and so forth as to whether I would be runnin for the President which was taken away from us back when I was appearin with Jomcain plus occasionally Joe the Plumber when all the lights and cameras and attention and microphones and attention and lights and attention and attention and folks askin questions with all the attention was on me back then durin the times across our great nation, so when he said that thing about walkin away from the office he’s held for 20 months there, it kind of brought me back to those whiskful times when I quit my job to achieve higher things for myself and my family on my big One Notion bus nowadays now, with my books and movies and appearances on those programs beggin for my opinions and snappy sayins which keep me in the spotlight with all the cameras and attention and microphones and attention and lights and attention and attention and folks askin questions there which a course is his decision to make but youbetcha I woulda picked out a different thing to do there if I ever do make up my mind goshdarnit to do so.