Tuesday, August 16, 2011

So The Big Bus Tours Were My Idea In The First Place, But I Guess The Most Sincere Form Of Flattering Is Invitation And So Forth ...

So goshdarnit, whose idea was it thank you very much anyway to have a gigantic bus tour and then be able to crisscross from here to there, I ask all of you good and real Americans out there in this great land of ours (if I may be so bold as to put forward that question, youbetcha) because it was not the current President of the United States, thank you very much again in case you were wonderin, even though now when I look up upon the monitors we have here installed into the big bus, what do I see before my wanderin eyes appearin on the newsfeeds and programs pray tell (plus also too my handlers and face bookin writer staff and twit content advisers have advised me of these turns of events), but the product of the lamestreamers out there is what I see, that’s what, actually and shockingly those Katie Couric type trick makers and tripper uppers are coverin the bus tour by Brack Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama, as if he invented it and so forth, but nope, lemme tellya it was I that did it and this is actually how it all happened originally really from me, thinkin back here and now for you I will do, with my thoughts and whatnot and it goes a little somethin like this story:



Once upon a time one day as I was goin back home rather enhurriedly from one of my many speeches and rallies across this great land of ours (because I was afraid some wicked old witch was gonna take my country away from me and us and so forth which kinda is what has happened, but it was a he and not a she but anyway), as I was runnin home to my Auntie Dem (who has some political beliefs that differ from mine but I still respect her opinions and am open to her delicious crullers and such just-rised baked goods and breakfasts and wholesome mid-western type meals which is funny, considerin I’m from Alaska, but that’s neither near nor there) to tell her all about Obama Gulch, who was gonna come and take my country away, but Auntie Dem wouldn’t listen to me because she was too busy gettin her chicks all lined up in a row out there in the barn,


so she told me that there was no time for my idiotic foolhardyness as she put it and so on, bless her heart the old thing, but then right after I told her that even, right there from my house where I see so many things includin Russia, guess what I see comin right inside the house and through the front door, it’s Old Obama Gulch ridin up there just like I predicted,


because apparently in this great land of ours, folks can elect just anyone and so on with voters and the media exposures swayin folks this way and that way, just as it happened here in this great heartland that we cherish and so forth, which made me very frightened and also too made me want to take our country back from wherever Obama Gulch was gonna take it away to, and enabled me to be able to decide to capture drastic actionable actions which eventually transformed into me runnin away on a big bus and spreadin the warnin words wide and far out there like a vast net of words, a kindle to what Paul Revere did when he made those historical Midnight Special rides goin through the towns back then, ringin those bells around Bunker’s Hill and Lexington, Concord and Welch’s to warn the people set up in New England there by our forefathers and such historical heroes that I do so admire highly and so forthly, and also those whom I also numerously plus repeatedly bring up to speak of and touch at with my speechcasts projectiled out there, so durin which time just then all of a sudden, the bus gets muscled around by all these frightenin and dangerous winds comin from where else, from the left, I mean comin from the West, but I can’t be sure because everythin gets really dark and cloudy and scary right up there under our noses, right there in front of our very real American faces out in the open there, so quickly then, I decide to head back home to Auntie Dem, but wouldn’t yaknow it, the reinforced door to the bunker was locked,


so there I am, by myself alone out there all stranded and whatnot, with the wind blowin, and the laundry and the hosiery twistin in the wind back there, rustlin up the barn and the cowhouse, so then inside I go to be able to hide under my bed or some such area there and suddenly out of the pane I get a knock upside my head all of a sudden and so forth, which makes me see things in a different way from out my window there (which then at that momentous moment gave me an idea about creatin the present-day bus rides we have here, that I thought up first) but first, with all the things I saw which are somewhat unbelievable for me to be sayin but trust me youbetcha, they really did burst forth right straight outta my head, for example first, from my house where I am able to see such things from, up into the big twister I went, and while I was gettin all twisted, among the unbelievable peoples and things I saw around there who helped me along the way were (1) me, and (b) the many crowds of supporters who would continue to help me to form my large and expandin base,


so it was kinda like a picture window into the future and so on youbetcha, so off I go on down to greet my fans with my messages and things all in my basket of tricks and clich├ęs and sayins and winks and other glitches that have become my trademarks, and along the way there I met all sorts of different citizens as I went down there followin the yellow bricks and such roads along to my ultimate destination which I was a little idiotically foolhardy of then,



but I knew in the back of my skull if I just kept sayin “I want our country back, I want our country back” over and over again until I was numb, then I’d be on the right track, no matter who got in my way along the road there, or who would steal my spotlight and so forth,


or say, perhaps maybe announced durin the GOP debate stage back then there that she was gonna file some papers and whatnot to run this and that (LOoutLOL) to be able to be elected unto this high office that she was gonna go for, even though I must say that I, youbetcha I do so wish her all the best, really I really really do, (what with all those kids to keep wrangled together and the headaches and so forth, and probably nobody ever home due to her husband also bein a career guy with his clinics and controversial therapies there (LOutLOL)) for her to be able to follow my highheeled footsteps there (that I paved the way for her to do back then when I was gettin all the attentions with my lipsticks and such snappy comments and sassy sayins and spitfire-type attitudes and shoot-em-up, lock and load wardrobes and leathers and such getups), so anyhow on I went, spreadin my words which I continue to do, so it really is my idea that all came to me in a dream back then as to how this bus tour brainchild was born, only to be copied I guess sadly and shockingly to me, but I should be flattered and so forth because as the sayin goes, “the most sincere form of flattering is invitation,” so I guess I invited those copycats and copykittens out there to imitate me because our ways are effective there across this great land of ours that we continue to travel off to see, brick by brick, toward that shinin city over there to be gotten to in our future, and with any luck hopefully in 2012 youbetcha, but insomuchas plus if we get to go there by followin the patriotic ways that our forefathers dreamed of also, just like I did in memory of all those lifeless historical figures of long ago then, and also yaknow, at the last stop of a long trip like that,


you learn that if you haveta go lookin for things out there that are right in your own backyard or from your house, like keys if you forget em like I always do — gosh I swear if my head wasn’t bolted into my neck I’d leave it on the kitchen table sometimes (LOutLOL) — or say maybe you forget your cellphone or even what you should be doin for the good of your country and so forth, when you eventually come to and wake up, you can be able to take a look around, and then say straight into the faces of the real Americans out there, and … well, aw what the heck, I’ll even include, just because, … oh goshdarnit Auntie Dem, … home’s no place like there!






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