Thursday, November 24, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Goshdarnit I Got My Foot Stuck In It Again By Givin The Big Scoop To Someone Else So I Outfoxed Myself That Time ... And So Forth
Goshdarnit, my air time seems to be gettin kinda thin like when I’d go to high up in the mountains up in Alaska when I’d pass out to be unconscious all those times but recently I guess the on air time has been thin cuz I got yelled at by the owner of the Fox News programs about that one time I announced (finally for cryin’ out loud it took me forever it seemed) when I wasn’t gonna be able to run for the President job because of my conflictin schedule of events across this great land, and so when I did finally say “no, I shall not be able to do it my great American friends but keep sendin money anyway just in case”, I didn’t spill the ‘no run beans’ on those Fox programs that have been so accustomated to seein me, plus yaknow sorry seems ta be the hardest word, said that great poet somewhere back there across this great land of ours in song, and if I could have it to announce in a do-over all over again and again and again (to do over) from my enormous bus out there across this great land of ours I guess I woulda pulled over my One Notion bus into one of the many broadcastin studios there that Robert Ailes owns throughout this great nation that previously used to salutate me so happily into the bright lights and microphones and so forth with the big cushions there for me to answer upon, and the comfortable couches too and even from my own home studio I would be able to do those things with the mountains and vistawhatnots out the back window all lit up into the living rooms of the real Americans, then I woulda said I wasn't gonna run to be president after gettin all that money from my Sarahpac, right up to the last minute there on his channel boyhowdy, but I guess I just forgot to be able to do it, what with all my speechmakin and booksignin and commentatin and autographin and bustrippin and candidate endorsin and family raisin and neck tightenin and so forth so I just kinda forgot who the boss was instead of it bein me, so youbetcha I put my foot right in it once again is what I did then during those times.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Those Occupiers Blockin the Walls and Streets Are In The Way And Plus Are Also Creatin A Doggone Traffic Hazard For Progress In This Great Land And Just Need To Get A Job Or Just Stay Home or Go Away To Somewhere Else … And So Forth
Goshdarnit, boy howdy am I ever in high spirits youbetcha that there’s somethin goin on nationwide across this great land of ours that I can take parts in and weigh in on, with my large and expandin base, to be able to get on in there and criticize it about, when my facts are all spread out on cards for me, all easy-like (thank you very much Katie Couric) if you all care to remember that one time when I didn’t know what the jillikers I was audiatin about durin my roll-out (LOutLOL) concernin these so called protestors, but now I am informed enough to poke the stick of the flagpole that flies the flag of the real Americans at them out there through their homemade homes, those unsatisfied occupiers who are so much opposite from those common, down to earth regular folks that I drive by and wave to while ensconed into my big One Notion bus, spreadin words and phrases that I have become so dearly held up for as I go from podium to mall, parkin lot to staged events, rallyin the folks around me like Paul Revere did at Lexington, Concord and Welch’s, ringin and ridin, singin and chidin, plus and also too turnpikin down the roadways and dirtpaths and grottoes laid down these long and many years ago which have become parchmented values preserved in our museums and old books set down by our great, lifeless forefathers who currently are buried under this great nation into those sacred grounds and cemeteries that I pass over and uphold for the sake our nation, and to take the country back from people like Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa and those Street Occupiers there, walled off under those unsanitated tents and smell-filled “lean-tos” composted of close quarters that they have trespassed up because of the failed policies of the current administration which thankfully allow me to continue barrelin through the crowds with my speechforths, (but I better watch it with my direct language there about drivin through crowds since that has actually happened, or so they say these things have indeed taken place there on those tent cities, so I guess apparently that’s what Occupational hazards mean for those radical elements, and also too I should give it a rest because back when I used to say those things about lock and load and reload with the targets on the district maps when we put all those violent images up on the interwebs for any crazy uncle to go off on, doubleplus so then when it really did happen with that shootin and for which we were so dearly sorry for, not that we had anything to do with that but to be sensible and just in case, we called our internet folks and so they spitspot took that graphic down youbetcha faster than Superman folds sheets on laundry day, and immediately displeased all of our responsibilities and liables in that area as quick as castor oil through grandma, but anyways I hope people forget about so many things we did in the past, so why the heck am I bringin it up now, well cuz I just guess I can’t stop once I get started on a tonguetrill over there with my wisdom-makins and opinionatin now from here in Buena Vista with the good views I can see out of) where I can look out across the land and latch onto these terrible times in our future that we have down the road for us which we are able to do now in the hopes that the optimism that once gripped this nation like an eagle with its powerful outstretched talents will swoop down again and reclaim all of the things that we lost so we can start from scratch and once again to take back them, boldly led by our soon to be chosen GOP candidate winner (who I don’t know or haven’t expressed an endorsement for yet since things are so up in the air) which is certainly takin its own sweet time by jing, what with the “touchy-feely” issue goin on there with Herb Cain and those accusers poppin out of a cake like in those stageshows and burlesques, and that crazy speechmakin that Rick Perry did the other day with his loose gesturin and unconventional speech patterns with his googly eyes and hair, and then still there’s that Michele Bachmann, for cryin out loud why is she even still there still, but bless her anyway again, with those many children to be responsible for and the husband with his troubles with the controversial behavioral tictacs he uses, and acourse those imbalancin headaches, plus also Mitt Romney with his “which way do I put my shoes on like any other person on Monday or Wednesday in my big house with its strange religious customs and maybe I need to buy a bigger house so I can be livin in a bigger house” which leaves us in doubt about the other days of the week when he puts on his garments and which way the wind will be blowin for him to latch onto, and then there’s the others like Newt Gingrich with his wife Calistic, and her jewelry addiction and that severe and reflective helmethead hairdo that looks like she could cut glass with it (and maybe if she could, she should just do that at the Tiffanys store front window and just reach in and grab those gemstones and other shiny barbells and such things instead of runnin up all those credit card bills (LOutLOL)) so I will endorsificate somebody at some time in the future comin up to keep my relevant position in the industry not dried up like so many jobs and futures for our children that we sadly face and would have been avoided if me and Jomcain the Mavrik had been able to get on in there and legislate the other laws that we wanted to be there in place, and of course with me bein in charge of the Senate if I had been able to accept the award as Vice President durin those times when we tried to do it before my current career as “super booster” and mom and book writer and reality show actress and commentator and what-all across this great nation plus celebrity and other things.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Where has all the money gone goshdarnit, youbetcha I have been told by my staff that some of those lamestream media types out there seem to be askin about me, and plus about those things with my Sarahpac when they were inter-nettin around, casting their webs far and widely out, beggin and blowin and so forth, collectin and askin for those handouts right up to the point where I decided to deprive myself of the office of the President up over in Washington, all the cash helpin me decide if I was gonna do it or not for this great nation of ours (run I mean) that was laid down by our forefathers for us to boldy go across this nation in my big One Notion bus with my family and yaknow perhaps it is true that the price of gas for my travels and maintenance has gone up since I started my speakin tour (not the kind of gas that comes out of my speakin, I mean the kind that goes into the machines and tanks that power this great country made and assembled by those hard workin real Americans who I do so believe in that are here legally of course I mean, except that all the jobs are bein siphoned away with a big socialist-type straw by the policies of Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa) and also speakin of straws, the price of saliva has salivated upwardly and quite rapidly as a result of our once growing but not stagnated economy to keep that big and shiny shine on the family One Notion bus so that we can glide effortlessly onto the next speakin engagements and assembly halls that we have booked (with my still ongoin book signins and speechyaps available on tapes and compacted disks not to mention the rhetorical tourblasts that I am invited to partake in with my snappy rhetoric that I am enriched with) thanks to my kickstart with the Jomcain involvement that I had with those early GOP stageshows which provided me with a rich broth of materials and wardrobes for my snappy sayins, pointy barbs and sassy fabrics that some folks said an arm and a leg was spent on to show that I did indeed did have controllable arms and legs which did not flail about (as my lamestream media enemies accused me of, like when that know-it-all Miss Katie Couric that one time when she tried to trip me up and push me to the journalistic ground with those trick questions which she learned about at her journalism school which I never was taught of at my journalism schools) which I was happy to demonstrate to the delight of the members of my enthralling audiences that did put me back in the mindsap of when I was involved in the Miss Alaska Pageant back then before I became the celebrity that I was transfirmed into to this day (especially around my jawline, and those neckrings if you look at some of the early pictures that are like “BEFORE” and “AFTER” which is quite horrible I must say again and again to be transparent about it, which is the terrible burden of double-standardization that we as moms in the public spotlights must endure which is what I went through first before that famous mom of all those kids that she talks about the minute the sun comes up over the mountain (Michele Bachmann) stole my limelights there some time ago and went onto go into the debatable shows there with her podiums and speechmakins with even more barbed comments about Brak Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa which first, I did not approve of because I didn’t think of it first, and second, I hate comin in runner up or second term) but speakin of that Miss Alaska pageant I did come in as a runner-up so I had to grin and bear it back then to show that I was a “team player” which practiced me up good for those shows with Jomcain the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber when he could get to those events (and by the way, I am still waitin for him to call me to beg for my overwhelming support with my large and expanding base to tilt his way onto his political goals and futures) as I have so much time now on my hands and other limbs which are again, fully controllable and functional, to help promote and endorsify others there that do tote the party favors for us like-minded institutionals to follow through on to be part of this Grand Old Team Party of ours, where we want so dearly much youbetcha to take the country back from where it is now, wherever that is so that when we find it and can take it back, we will bring it there for us to get things goin again finally in the right direction for a second time instead of bein Shanghai’d away from us, which does sound Socialist-like if you ask me which is dangerous for our country these days in the current administration for us which we do not believe in, bein a democracy-lovin nation as we found we had been founded on in the past history by those foundin fathers who now lie lifeless and spinnin in their graves over what the heck has happened dog-gonnit since they rode those horses in circles in the town squares sayin “One If By Land” and “Two If By Sea” and so forth to which I have adhesively stuck to and followed patriarchtically (as those founding dads did indeed do) in those tire-tracks of history and such things, therefore I say “Three if by Bus” with my gigantic One Notion vehicle that we speak of with the full tanks of expensive gas and spit shinins which are indeed cost-inhibbible without these Sarahpacs of money, so again thanks so much for the Sarahpac infrusions of donor cash which support me in this incoming time of greater than even need for me and my family time since now I have so much more of it to spend with them and on them the last time I checked those things.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
I'm Gonna Gas Up The Big Bus Full Of Gas And Aim It At Iowa For The Upcomin Crocuses Springin Up ... And So Forth
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My Fifteen Minutes Is Like Playin That Game Beat The Clock Where You Have To Beat The Clock ... And So Forth
Doggonnit, youbetcha with all that’s goin on in this great land of ours and the world also across this great nation and me not bein a part of it cuz I’m just about almost irrelevant and very untimely now finally for the first time since me and Jomcain and Joe The Plumber were back there talkin bout all the things that Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa was gonna do to mess up this wonderful land that our forefathers did for us back then in those times, (and speakin of Joe The Plumber, I think I was told somethin about him runnin for an office or such appointment soon maybe, so I’m gonna keep my phone line handy in case he wants me to trot myself on out there for many supportin words and sentence fragments of encouragement and endorsable opportunities on the bus with appropriately sized banners and portable podium and plug-in microphone adapters that I have handy to be able to set up at a moment’s notice at a mall or stadium or high school gymnauseum or lodge or hotel lobby or banquet room or church basement or town square or arena or stadium or ballpark or cafeteria or garage sale or community picnic or bowlin alley or open house or public park or rooftop or barn or lighthouse or chicken coop or dentist’s office or convenience store or boat launch or airport or train depot or taxi stand or hardware store or anywhere actually) but anyway it seems my handlers and packers and wordfolks are havin a hard time comin up with snappy and barbable things for me to say about all of those current topics which escape me at the moment, so I’ll have to get back to you on that (try as my staff might, bless them so) and so forth with Rick Perry ridin that rollercoaster campaign of his with the debates all mucked up there so he can hardly tell what he means to say, and then Herb Cain with the outrageous advertisements and statements and tax plans which are bein gone over by those tax professionals there provin to be not so good as those deals that he says they’re gonna be now that we look at them, and that Michele Bachmann, who did steal my spotlamps back then when she announced that she was gonna file those papers and parchments in the tradition of our foundin leaders back then about runnin for President with those same debates (and bless her so with all those little headaches runnin around her house there plus too the migraines) before I announced finally that I was gonna to not run after askin for all those big piles and sacksfull of money sacks that I had my Sarahpac sock away for me, workin the phones for my moneybags there, up to the last minute before I sacked those plans and bagged my potential there to be able to checkout on whether to register to be leadin our great land with all of its hills and valleys (Ovally) because for some reason I was told that I thought I could actually stick with a job for more than 2 years after all this time of me bein on my recent career after leavin the Alaska shift back then when I was tapped, plus Mitt Romney there sayin this and that one day and then sayin that and this the next day to be contra-compatible with those things and speeches that he has previously put out there before and after as well as for and against himself sometimes whenever to the delightmentary entertainment of those lamestream media folks out there who just love to trip ya up like that Katie Couric did to me but that was a long time ago when she did these things, askin me all sortsa questions about what I could and couldn’t read in those mornings before I was in the business of gassin up the big One Notion Bus parked out back and havin those books written with me and the speeches that I give and do, so that there’s hardly any time left for me to criticize the President on his weak leadership skills that I have been told about and thus has led to the capture and eliminations of those threats to our security and those terrorist leaders like Osama and Kadafy over there that were in my opinions just the continuatory policies that were paved down from the previous administration’s infractures with all their ground works and pipelines that were laid down for him to follow in after all these years of trenchin and of course we can’t and should not give him credit for all of these new and current things at all because leadin from behind is the thing we say about him that seems to be catchin on with the folks from coast to coast cause it’s so easy to say and chew and remember and we wouldn’t be caught dead throwin him a doggone dogbone or tossin him a table scrap of crumbpraisement for cryin out loud on what may be easily confused as a job well done, or maybe even so a so-called accomplishment, although I did recently slip up that one time and criticize someone on the Fox News who said somethin bad about me about somethin I had said bad about someone else that I couldn’t just leave alone, I had to pick at it like a sore and of course had to fire back because of my thin skin and whatnot but that seemed to backfire up me and to drop me down there with my relevant coverage on the programs that I usually appear on all the livelong day when I can travel to there, or if not from my own home studio (which is actually in my own home) with the scenic vistas and slides that have my rear projections there for the people to see and hear on those fair and balanced broadcasts that are beamed outforth accordin to those plans for the segments that we bring to the real Americans who are still with us for the time that I have left until I find somethin else to do since there seems to be time runnin out lately for me to do them which does make me sit in wonderment and gaze out across the hills and valleys about whether the fifteen minutes that I get durin those televised segments are gonna still be up or not soon.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I Can't Hear You, Mr. President But Maybe It's Because My Beltway Is Too Tight And Our Economy Is Gone With The Wind ... And So Forth
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Doggonnit, now since after I announced my surprise and suspense filled announcement that wasn’t really a big surprise or filled up with suspense and whatnot (about not runnin for president) after askin for that big last minute push for money on my behalf from my doggedly determined pack of Sarahpac cash packers over there, sendin out the emails and askin for the dough there, right up until I was gonna decide what not to do and whatnot, I’ve got a lotta time on my hands to go and do what it is that I have been doin from my big bus, criss crossin this great nation that we must take back ever since it was taken away from us from the Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama crew right then after the votin went on with me and Jomcain the Mavrik back then durin that Summertime and Joe the Plumber and other assorted people and clothes that we collected along the way leadin up to our stunnin and victorious loss across this great nation in front of everyone (since a campaign is a sometime thing and all) right before I stepped up, up and away, and down from my Alaskan throne there, givin up my Crown there down in Alaska before I decided to breach myself across new territories and further up myself with the endorsin opportunities I had for myself and various members of my family up and down the land much to the dismayberment of the lamestream media with their Katie Couric type jump-out-from-behind-a-pushcart-and-ask-you-a-question-that-you’re-not-pre-pre-pared-to-answer-at-this-point-in-time-so-I-will-have-to-get-back-to-you-on-that-at-some-point-in-the-future-there type obstacles that get in the way of the real Americans like myself, who are indeed followin in our forefather’s footsteps right behind them as they laid them down for us to be thereafter in, as they guide us from there hereafter now then in those historical vaults and marble halls for which we enstoned them those many years ago and where I do so visit durin our gigantic tour buses such as the One Notion bus that I tool around in when promotin those messages that we have to get on out there, similarly like Paul Revere did (who I have mentioned of in the past) with the bell ringin throughout Lexington, Concord and Welch’s, with speeches that he told of from atop Silver, his horse there, durin those historic nights when sayin hi-ho and one lamp if by land was lit up over there like a headlight and so forth across the country, beaconin out like a beacon and shinin there for us to be proudly wavin across this great land where I will still be endorsin folks plus bein a regular part of the discussions to make sure that the Gullah bull that the current administration is tossin out there like catfish on a Friday, misleadin this nation made up of us to take part in the sportin’ life instead of the real American values type life that we try and get on out there and explain since it ain’t necessarily so and so on, (especially to be keepin the failed policies goin which we will try to stop) speech by speech for me to do, cuz there’s a bus that’s leavin soon for New York and so forth… and I’ll be on it then continuin to do these things for which I proudly do for the American values.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
25 Years Of The Simpsons Is A Great Achievement For The Renewal Of Real American Families Who I Animatedly See Through And Along This Great Backdrop Of A Nation And So Forth …
Gosh, yaknow it’s just so doggone heartwarmin but also bitterscotch when you hear bout a real American family like The Simpsons, thrivin for nearly 25 years but still strugglin with those middle classed normal values (however those folks do it there) with farmers now not even able to have a cow in the charmin hamburg of Springfield where I do hope to visit one day on my One Notion colossal bus extravaganza and investigative talkin tour along this great nation seein the many Homers, Marges, Brets, Lisas and that little Maddie Simpson with her pacifier all fallin down there, bein just outta reach like the American dream she usedta be able to aim over at and grab aholda with her four fingers as our forefathers did, like many families I animatedly voiceover to about how they try grabbin onto those things but now can’t cuz of Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’s opposable failed policies like a thumb in our eye, and his caratoonerish orders (like that Mr. Barnes does as Homer’s dear leader, blastin the American dream to smithersreens) across this great nation, sketchin us in the wrong direction, drawin us down and away from where we were tryin to renew America over to when Jomcain the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber sometimes and I were put there with speeches and fashions and neck-tightenin’ barbs and snappy sayins, just how Bret Simpson does it now for 25 years comin up (by which time we may have taken our country back by then goshdarnit).
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I’m Just A Half-Term Governor Who Can’t Say No Just In Time For Once In My Life So Please Release Me And I Am Tellin You I’m Not Runnin … And So Forth
Goshdarnit, it’s about doggone time I finally did decide to not finally run at last for that grand and not profitable enough high office of the President of the United States throughout this great nation of ours, for once not followin in the forefathers’ feet after so many hours of thinkin and prayin and wishin and hopin with my handlers and also too my family, so youbetcha I now boldly continue on in my rougey style then with my activities of bus ridin on my One Notion tour family extravaganza and roadshow spectacular whimsy ride-a-long book and personal appearance speech makin candidate endorsin televised opinionatin talkabout vocal expedition excursions, just as my spectacular rise was when I was goin there with Jomcain the Mavrik on those GOP stages and debatable events that brought me to the shiny world of gotcha journalism and lamestream media victimry that I have become known for across our great land that we must take back from where it was taken away from durin those times generally around the general election, so there will be so much more of me to hear and witness and be paid attention to since my timetable will now be taken up by these things I have been doin so far plus minus the makin up my mind part about runnin for President now so that will be one less active participation I will be able to be doin now as I continue on, still preachin the gospel about takin our country back from where it was shipped overseas to which I’m guessin is some foreign un-American hostile country once Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama got all in office there, and took it down that road that he’s goin down, spendin all our hard half-earned moneys plus wages and whatnots like a kid in a candy store with lots of money to be able to spend on candy there in the candy store with our candy money not his (and probably those exotic kinds of toffees and confructonaries that the real Americans can’t digest, namably those spicy Red-Hots with the little devil heads on the box which is fiendishly shockin and Anti-American if you were to ask me or even if you weren’t gonna ask me because I’d answer anyway because I seem to do that kind of thing across this great nation wherever I can set up a podium or a step-stool and a Mr. Microphone or karaoke set if an amplifier is not available which sometimes they are not, dependin upon the places where we go and cannot plug things into an available outlet) which does happen so many times across this great land of our forefathers whose footprints I will not stand on this time when I go from here to there to those places and meet the people at the events and malls where they ask me questions and I respond to them just so long as they fit into my prepared spontaneous answer grids and find-a-words that the folks workin like the devil (just like on those candy boxes are) always sketchin out replies and reactions for me to act upon and winkabout, and then havin me sit and at least try to memorize f’cryin out loud or at least read the answer off of my hand sometimes to those very questions printed out there which comes in handy when I run out of room up my head to hold onto all the words and complete sentences there for me to form so that the people will be able to gardner my knowledge from my vocal understandings, however, they will now be sadly depraved of my high and mighty replies of mine that I would be able to give out like candy from the office of the President but not now anymore youbetcha since I decided that I wouldn’t be seekin that President job which I could see myself so easily doin there better than Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama, followin in the footsteps of Governor Christie there I guess, even though he has mighty big shoes to fill but I did it anyway right after him when he said just the other day that he would not be stampin into the race at this late date, and also too those pointy things about leavin a job as Governor before your term is overwith to be “not good” even with the support of those real American that I talked about before that will be so unfortunately cut off from me and my talk-rope wordstrings because now I have finally decided to do so and say no and so forth finally to the question of whether or not I would be runnin for President which of course you have probably been able to figure out by now that the answer is “no I shall not” for me to be able to decide to say yes which was held up in question until now when I made it official.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
There She Goes Again Makin Goofs and Gaffs Followin In My Footsteps Like I Did But Bless Her Anyway ... And So Forth
Goshdarnit, bless her yknow what with all those kids to keep track of plus the pressures of the debate when all the staffs and folks jump ship off your campaign like rats off a sinkin kayak but it is kinda nice to let her enjoy these dwinderful moments now, doin what I did back then, followin in my footsteps there with my wardrobes and my outfits and my lipsticks and my pitbulls and my catchy sayins and my form-fittin speeches and Jomcain the Mavrik and now my One Notion tour bus (and Joe the Plumber I forgot him) I got goin steamroller-rinkin over to a mall or parkin lot across this great nation to continue our forefathers doin’s (only from the historical stagecoaches), as Paul Revere did through Lexington and Concord and Welch's warnin the folks which reminds me it's such a crimnible shame how the lamestream media jumps all over poor Michele like they did me when she makes one simple batch of goofs like I did with facts and such, like that one time Katie Couric pounced out at me when I couldn't remember my mornin papers and cereals but I do wish Michele Bachmann all the best, really I really do with the pitiful windin down there for these methods by the Real Americans to take part in those discussions she engagles us with and to take our country back before time runs out all across this great land for us.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Doggonit, when Governor Christie was up there with all the lights and cameras and attention and microphones and attention and lights and attention and attention and folks askin questions with all the attention, I couldn’t help but feel a little ignored and whatnot since I have been goin through so many gymations and so forth as to whether I would be runnin for the President which was taken away from us back when I was appearin with Jomcain plus occasionally Joe the Plumber when all the lights and cameras and attention and microphones and attention and lights and attention and attention and folks askin questions with all the attention was on me back then durin the times across our great nation, so when he said that thing about walkin away from the office he’s held for 20 months there, it kind of brought me back to those whiskful times when I quit my job to achieve higher things for myself and my family on my big One Notion bus nowadays now, with my books and movies and appearances on those programs beggin for my opinions and snappy sayins which keep me in the spotlight with all the cameras and attention and microphones and attention and lights and attention and attention and folks askin questions there which a course is his decision to make but youbetcha I woulda picked out a different thing to do there if I ever do make up my mind goshdarnit to do so.
Friday, September 30, 2011
The Flavor Of The Week Comment Is Kinda Like That Gum That Loses Its Flavor After A While But I Still Must Chew It Again Before I Spit It Out Across This Great Nation And So Forth …
Doggonnit, now it’s even gettin confusin for me to keep track of what the media gins up about what I gin up about those things that I’ve ginned up concernin what the media says I’ve ginned up about those things that they say I’ve ginned up across this great land of ours where everything I say and do and wink and speak and breathe and eat and taste and touch and hate and step into and wear and get all defensive about and whatnot becomes the flavor of the week like I said about that Harold Cain there the other day that I just can't get away from, like gum stuck on the bottom of my leather boots and so forth which reminds me I have to return all those GOP costumes that were draped upon me when I was up on the platforms and such with Jomcain and Joe The Plumber and others from our parties and spectaculars goin on with all the bright shiny lights there from place to place when we were goin merrily along on our way tra la until those goshdarn news programs got a hold of me with the lamestream media goin full tilt curious all of a sudden, all out together violatin my freedoms of speeches there and freedoms to read or not read anything to get my opinions set down there in a lamestream attempt to make me slip up like that one time I slid like a Zamboni (which if you all remember I wanted to name my next kid if I did or didn’t have one again or before there) with Katie Couric and her triple camel questions there, ready to shock and frighten me with all of the facts there and inquiries she hurled at me like questioning paintballs which I didn’t answer quickly enough due to that before-mentioned rapid fire lock and reload cycle that the media is doin which I referred to back then when I was talkin about what the media gins up about what I gin up about those things that I’ve ginned up concernin what the media says I’ve ginned up about those things that they say I’ve ginned up across this great land of ours youbetcha for me to be able to talk about them on my One Notion bus there goin from coast to state balancin fairly and so forth with stops along this great nation.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Herman Cain Is The Flavor Of The Week Which Leaves A Bad Taste In My Mouth And Also Too Is Also Too Hard To Swallow And So Forth …
Youbetcha doggonit, you can sherbet durin this rocky road toward the White House, as I go along in my One Notion bus, I’m tired about havin the soft-servin type candidates displayed before us across this great nation, but the guidance that we praylean towards the GOP, to be able to scoop up the office from the snickers and other nonpopular toppings of Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama right in front of our faces, drippin down the hands and pressed noses of the real Americans against the glass, runnin down our arms as we double-dip, as the very cones and foundations of our democracy melt away, leavin us cryin on the sidewalks of this great country where we can’t go back and get another one (since we were so careless and dropped our favorite flavor back then on the pavement there, similar to me with Jomcain and Joe The Plumber and me) when I reached my heights, frozen into the very heads of the folks, so goshdarnit therefore I continue givin out those second and third helpins of myself like a bottomless refill station durin these hot days leadin up to the elections which I may or may not help myself to about still (since I have to watch my expandin base) when I finally do decide, as our now frozen forefathers did with their puddins, unable to use those modern freezers full of such delicious and varied icee flavors as they come and go here, and not just vanilla either nowadays).
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Moneys Make The Worlds Go Round And Also Too Will Help Me Decide To Run Or Not Which Infudiates Some People Which Is The High Price I Pay And Can Charge And So Forth …
Gosh ya know like that famous sayin “imitators are the most sincerest formal flatteries” I am instructed to have a sense of humor about all the things that those folks up there say about ya and so forth, whether it be your daughter bein yelled at by some yahoo after fallin off a mechanical bull and whatnot (which I do feel kinda responsible for with my outlandrish and preposterable sayins, and my puttin down of Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the way I do durin my often re-broadcasted Foxtrots, plus puttin my kids up in the line of fire through not fault of their own) and then there’s my lovely and devoted pack which as askin for donations and gifts in case I do decide to run for the gold, but youbetcha I just tell em all to not come cryin ta me about it cuz at the close of business there when you're rollin around in all your dough and contributions of monies and so forth (plus also gettin famed and fortuned and photographed as we are across this great land of ours) then just sing a different tune about bein able follow the tracks of my tears all the way to the bank, (which is so much more musically pleasable) and also to have “Moneys make the worlds go round” be your theme from that showtune with Eliza Minetti ringin those bells like Paul Revere in the cabarets with decorated garlands and entertainments where we have to keep a stiff upper lip and get happy although a tear may be ever so near and whatnot, to follow the clinkin clankin sounds of our forefathers’ footsteps then.
Friday, September 23, 2011
How Come 72 Percent Of The Real Americans Out There Don't Want Me To Run For President Even Though My 44 Percent Is So Near Obaaaaaaama's 49 Percent And So Forth ...
Goshdarnit, lemme get this straight through my doggone head about what these polls are sayin exactly about me firstly, where there’s 44 percent of folks out there in this great country of ours who would vote for me over Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and his 49 percent, but 72 percent across this great land of ours don't want me to run for President at all in the first place (which would be 100 percent of those 72 percenters there) but anyways, youbetcha I still have not made up my mind about runnin at all (LoutLoL) from here in my big fat bus where I do keep bein currently informulated about these important poll and pie numbers and charts, one step ahead of the administration and big government have-it-alls back up there spendin like drunken salesmen on a two day pass and whatnot, but now speakin back to whether I will finally stop ditherin on my candidate decision there, I better get in shape in case I do so, therefore then, I am hereby gonna release a new volume of political fitness videos called SARA TONIN’ which will help me get rid of the unattractive and indecisive flab that surrounds my problem areas, and will help to exploit my expandin base, to firm up my mind there and put to rest that jigglin question longed for by the real Americans out there across this great country, but till then please do so hang onto my every verbal love handle until I decide to do it.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Buffett Rule Is Totally Unacceptable And Stuffs Our Mouths With Those Foodstuffs That Big Government Will Try To Make Us Choke Down Our Throats And So Forth …
Goshdarnit, it’s gettin so ya can’t even go out and treat your family to a supper these days on your gigantic travelin bus more or less with the formica mini-dinin room table with the post all bolted in down there in this great land of ours without big government stickin their fingers down your throats and practically chewin your food for ya out there in this great land of ours, and of course that gag was all incited thanks to Michelle Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama there tellin us practically how to cut up those radical vegetables that come out of her community garden there, right out in front of (and up in) our noses and faces with her protesting at us about what to feed our own children across this great nation which is not somethin that we need the White House folks around there to be tellin the real Americans here and there and also too I ask, what about all of those fiery and exotic foods that they have goin there these days, with their strange rituals and such foreign food preparation customs and undocumented spices we have been introduced to right around the time and just about after the election when I and Jomcain the Mavrik were up on those stages with Joe the Plumber (I wonder where he went to now that I think about that — and if I do ever find his number I will have someone give him a call if my schedule permits me to do so and so on, if it will be for my greater behoof durin my whatever-it-is-I’m-goshdarn-doin-around-here-durin-this-campaign-season-where-I-just-keep-stickin-my-nose-in-it-and-whatnot-like-a-bad-penny-and-such) and when I reused all the snappy hockey-mothered lines with my hilarious lipsticks which were so uproarial then durin those times when I had the jokey-changey set-ups where what I would do would be to wait and then punch out the punchlines and assorted zingers like a box of crayons, or not unlike those delicious Forrest Gump waxy chocolates and so forth which carried me right smack up into those tea houses and august rooms where I am quite popular (not to moon over myself but youbetcha it's proven by my large and expandin base so I’d better watch it there with all the sweets and other fattening treats and eatables
(LoutLOL!!!!!!!)) which brings me back up to the subject of the Buffetts and how we are supposed to conduct ourselves when we are there in front of those precious bounties that are before us in this great land of ours where I trill from here and there to events and rallies to offer out my speechbleats and wordropes throughout the land where we are greeted with the throngs, sometimes bringin us covered dishes and tea cozies and needlepointed pillow covers and other homespun shams that we do so appreciate on our long treks here and back on the One Notion bus there, however when we do not have the luxuries of the down-home prepared foods and cornucopic treats from the audiences and real American kitchens that produce the apple pies and beef tripes, then we must avast ourselves of the Buffetts and other eateries where we weigh our foods per pound, and so the Buffett rule that I like to follow mostly is not to be too eager in line or be the first one there at the steam tables, because you don’t want to be labeled a food hog or any such farm animal in public there, since that would just be more fodder for those hateful blogs and websites that are full of the angry and mad haters out there who like to wear the feedbags of hate and write such angry, mad, hateful and snortful things against what we are tryin to do here, grabbin a decent meal there while pushin out the messages that our forefathers would have us continue to bulge forward (which of course would have taken place historically there in the alehouses and fishwives of those days back then accordin to my research which is docudramad in those graphs and cave paintings that our books and teachings speak of, with handy reference guides provided by the good people from the animated historical documents featuring the Flintstones and The Rubbles demonstrating once and for all that dinosaurs and man existed at those timelines together
with the prehistoric animals being used to help with the household tasks like that elephant named Ethyl at the gas pump, or perhaps those snapping turtles used to cut the ancient lawns in Bedrock there, or the bees captured in the clamshell to be able to be the razor for Barney Rubble’s stubble and such) to be able to continue with them patriotically.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Yaknow I Just Take These Wild Stories About Me With A Grain Of Rice Cause They Make Me Snort I Laugh So Hard And So Forth …
Goshdarnit, yaknow folks out there will justa bout do anything for publicity and those heat-seekin things which they use against me and my families and other thin-skinned members of my staff the way they do it there, what with the book deals comin out and the reporters all on me like white on Rice they way they are, plus that Levi Johnston all naked and natural as the day he was born rearin up out of wherever he’s been hidin with another so called “tell-it-tall” book with the journalistic calamitrocities, but all of these false rumors and accusatorial publishments make me SNORT which is so sad to see I say since our present-day shameful gotcha journalism (so preciously unlike the kinda journalism I learned of when I was in colleges) has degenitalized into these shockin innuendits across this great land of ours, all started by that that Katie Couric gang just waitin to jump ya from a hidden tent down around there, or maybe pounce at ya with some satellite live unrehearsed question all of a goshdarn sudden, from anywhere across this great nation where our forefathers never could have imagined those mobs to be around us here today, possessin those freedoms and cellphones and video wondrous shiny machines that we do so abuse to get the words out there to the real America, whether it be ONE if by land, TWO if by sea, or THREE if by bus and so forth ...
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I am So Dearly Beloved Gathered Together Here And Whatnot By the People of Pollland That They Keep Me In Their Percentages There And So Forth …
Gosh yaknow it’s just so benevolutionary for me to be held in such high rigord by the folks of Pollland out there, keeping me up in the national agendas and ticker tapes there, two percentage points ahead of the Newtgrinch there but right on up there, although there is such a drastic change between the Romney numbers bein 26% and my numbers bein 7%, but that’s the great advantage of livin here in the real America from coast to shinin sea, as I’ve said before again, the choice to choose your choices and youbetcha the courage of our forefathers to develop those measures that we do dearly hold up and preach about to this day, sometimes from a bus, sometimes whenever a microphone or such listening devices are shoved into our faces, waitin for a quick-thinkin reply and these things that the lamestream media and gotcha journalism folks live for every day on the airwaves and across the seas and oceans where we are sought out for commentary and opinions, which do so keep me there in the public’s eye right in front of their faces everytime ya reach for the remote, or grab a snack and so forth, but no matter what happens in my varied and regulated career, even those who would write books against me and my family there, the great people of Pollland do so keep me in their charts and minds, because goshdarnit, yaknow folks out there will do justa bout anything for publicity and those things which they use against us with no shame at all, against me I mean and my family units and other thin-skinned members of my staff and so on, what with the book deals comin out and the naked spreadsheets showin all your glory off,
all up there twice as natural as the day you were born and all, sportin the hockey stick pushed out in front of our children’s faces for their innocent eyes to see and whatnot to get all 3-D in there toward the centers of attention gettin circles and other rigid shapes that our present-day shameful gotcha journalism of now (which was NOT the kinda thing I studied when I was goin to colleges) has degenitalized into, especially so and not irregagless of that that Katie Couric mob just waitin to jump ya from a hidden tent down around there, or else pounce on ya with some satellite broadcast live question unrehearsed gathering there, all unscreened and quite frankly, shocking from anywhere across this great nation of ours that our forefathers never could have imagined us to be with, possessin those freedoms and cellphones and remotes and video taped dvds and other wondrous shiny machines that we do so use to get the words out there to the real America, whether it be ONE if by land, TWO if by sea, or THREE if by bus and so forth ...
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Youbetcha That Rick Perry Needsta Be Careful About What He Says About the Social Securities And Those Things Because It May Come Back To Bite Him In The Hand And So Forth …
Gosh yaknow I was just so usedta sayin stuff about Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama every time I open my chops and so on, however youbetcha this time I was just kinda helpin the senior television real American citizen audience folks out there watchin the programs across this great land of ours by explainin to my mini onions who do so tune in, and who listen to my every word like stink on a monkey about these serious social security issues that have been fearfully brought forth by Full Time Governor Rick Perry there with what he said, kinda like I was a greeter at the Wal*mart and such is what I was doin, which may be a good next thing for me to do for the real Americans across our great nation from my One Notion Bus if my other jobs dry up (whatever those other jobs are, come to think of it (LOutLOL)) and so forth, but seriously folks it is such a fearsome thing with the scaremongerage that does so take place under the debate platforms and bleachers so we must be careful to mind what we are told to say these days, what with all the gotcha journalism and that Katie Couric ready to hurdle on up out of a galldarn hedge somewhere and astonish me with a question about things, like that one time when she did it and made me look like some kinda I don’t know what all and so forth...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I Am Annoucin That I Am Runnin as a PRO-CON For The Upcomin Debates That I Will Not Be A Part Of—However I Will Also Be On My Big Bus There Like Shirley “Mama Grizzly” Partridge And So Forth …
here I come with my family and ‘Hello World” and so on, but remember, I’m not Steven Songheim or anything like that so I won’t be singin songs per say, but isn’t it rich that I will be extrollin the values that real Americans need to hear about youbetcha in these dark days that we have now shrouded over us since that time ago, long after the Jomcain Mavrik campaign dulled down, durin that goshgolly excitin season of my big debuts before I busted out on my own, like one of those patridged eggs from the nest there, all cracked and walkin back and forth there, kinda unsteady and so forth on my webbed feet with the internets at first, findin my wings and doin more and more flappin, then flyin out all over the place and never stoppin it seems, over on my own with Jomcain at first givin me a big ol kick out of the nest there,
boucin off my head when I hit the ground runnin (runnin from office that is (LOutLOL)), which is just the path I did follow there when I was rainin’ over Alaska for a time back then goshdarnit, but now from my big movin vehicle here I can do more good for the folks I see in a blur, where we do our screechin, sometimes to a halt there where the good words and wireless device messages funnel through me, like those delicious cakes that we sample from place to place like in that county fair that I crashed (My State Fair Crash) durin the last debates and so on, and maybe just maybe nearby the debate house in this great land of ours (since it’s gettin to be dinnertime and I’m gettin rather hungry and so forth out here on the road) I’ll be able to eat and put somethin into my mouth for real American nourishment, so that I then can continue havin things comin back up out of my mouth to inspire the folks in this great nation, where we can agree to disagree which shall be shown durin the debates here, and even I can take part in somethin that I’m not really a part of, but maybe also too like I’ll be doin later today again.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Gosh It's Fun To Spin Words About The President And Make Jokes And Whatnot Because You Get New Words To Read To Make Jokes And So Forth ...
Gosh, yaknow it’s just such darn fun youbetcha to be able to have things all printed out real BIG for ya, pokin at Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama with a stick there, insteada yaknow, actually sayin or doin somethin positive and so forth, but seriously folks within the noise of my voice, I gotta million upcomin one-zinger lines (not that I’m a member of the Brat Wursts up there in the Cast-kills or those nightclubs with the “Take My Wife, Please and also Try the Veal” kinda jokes and such, but real serious things that we face here nowadays today now here) so I’m gonna try out more cuttin remarks about the state of our economy while sayin out my other mouth that I’m out there inspirin the people across our great nation (LOutLoudLOL), so this one was handed to me recently: “Hobnobbin and Jobbin” which I think is sassy commentary about the unemployment rates goin on there, to keep those folks laughin while they’re applying, kinda public service I can do,
but sadly yaknow, another one I’m gonna setup-pause-punch is “Takin the Downtown Train Down to Dow Jonestown,” but I may not open with that cuz it needs a little work yaknow, so I’m takin my act and large bus on the road anyways there to scads more folks since it’s a fun game to devalurate the present administration and get all the cameras goin at me and talkin heads talkin and to get the Greta’s van Susterenin there and so on, in the fair and balanced networks that we find along the way, sometimes broadcasted right on out there from my former rumpus room (once I cleaned out the beer cans and hockey sticks and magazines and whatnots) so that the studio folks could set me up with the screens with the mountainous backgrounds and rivers and put the chlorakey paint on the things there to get my rear projection pushed right out in the face of the real American public (or whatever those technical guys call it) so that my spreading and growing base plus my messages and word-finds will have an image ta go with them that’s befittin and will be fittin into what I’m saying, so the great people along the way out across can just sit down and keep tuned in to have all the readin and thinkin ready for them to digest with their meals and so forth, easily chewable, just like that veal that the comedians talk about up there in the mountainous regions of comedy later to be seen on the Ed Sullivan shows and such varietal programs of yesterday's news, oh, and speakin' a yesterday’s news (LOutLOL), Michele Bachmann and her get 'em-up and go out there and run for the presidency announcement back then that caught so much of us on fire along the campaign trail seems to have gotten watered on by Rick Perry now, with his own particular brand of get 'em-up go out there and shoot-em up (with real guns by golly) type postures which seem to work (and also for Mitt Romney as well as we are seeing across the nation so) and don’t forget to tip your waitress and other advices that they give out there with their particular brand of ancient and wise humors from the holy land which members of my family have always been open to and tolerant of (how did I start talkin about them all of a sudden now — oh yeah, those ethic comedians with their words and how they tie in to what I’m talkin about already (haha which reminds me of “What you Talkin ’Bout Weezy? LOutLOL) that was such a fun show but of course so sad afterwords) which is of course what makes this great nation great, but not so much great these days yaknow with the White House doing the “is this thing ON” with the microphone pointed out down toward the American people with the volume turned off or maybe on some kinda strange exotic frequency thatcha can't pick up on regular real American citizen television and so forth, bein so out of touch (like I keep sayin on the programs there and whatnot with the “WHOA, tough crowd” kinda dialog that we don’t need, tuggin on our collars there like Rodney Dangerford usedta be able to do up there in the purple mountains majesties) or even Henry Youngman with all of his jokes about his poor wife bein takin off to gosh knows where and all,
but we know that when those economical policies bomb bigtime at the box office like my film biography that went straight down the old chamberpot there faster than you can say “Oh, The Seanhannity” of it all and so forth but anyways I know I am doin good for the country from coast to shining sea out there, one if by land, two if by sea and three if by bus there.