Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Anything She Can Do I Can Do Better And So Forth …


Goshdarnit, youbetcha I am shocked and frankly stupefied now with that young upstart Christine O’Donnell tryin to hone in on my speech talkin that I had announced way before she said she was gonna do upcomin Tea Party assembly, plus I had already packed a big bag to go onto my big bus and set aside big snacks there and also was brushin up on my big one-liners there that I was so patriotically known for back then with big Jomcain the Mavrik when I wagged my zingers out there with the lipsticks and whatnots and the pitbull moms, but seriously all you real Americans across this great land of ours, what am I gonna do now since I’ve already booked the driver and gone through the giant bus carwash with the exhaustin shine job, only to have my sheen dulled down first by that Michele Bachmann, and now by Christine O’Donnell, I mean snakes alive I’m gettin it from both ends here and whatnot, and plus then, as if that isn’t hard enough to understand, it was painstakingly told to me about this other double-bookin and so forth that the White House has engineered here with Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama’s job speech (or so they say) at the same time as the GOP debatin comin up coincidentally and I mean crimony, I would have commented earlier on that but I was dealin with my own double stuff and so forth to be critical of all day long and so on.


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Copycat Copycat Michele Bachmann Is Gonna Write A Book Now Just Like Me (But I Did It First Youbetcha And I Also Think Twice) Just Like All Those Other Things Now Happenin To Her (But Me First In Case You Were Wonderin) And So Forth…


Youbetcha goshdarnit, there is nothin that woman (Michele Bachmann I mean) won’t do to grab the limelights and so forth and now with this soon-to-be upcomin altarbiology of hers comin, (I did it first in case anyone’s still listenin to my trills and trails across this great land of ours there, greetin and meetin folks atop my large bus from place to mall but seriously real Americans need to bless her — because of all those little headaches runnin around her house like gerbils in a tent — that do so keep her inconfident — plus that indoorsman husband she’s got, submittin her 24/7 and also the candidacy she’s blastin about at the drop of some hat there in the debate ring cycle) grabbin up the slack I pre-slacked down for her, with me poppin up like twenty-one rainy-day toadstools, one jump street ahead of the lamestream media (similar to that Katie Couric bunch, waitin to leapfrog me with some Jack-in-the-bag gotcha question to chuck at me like a reptile out of a paper sack to fillup their blogs and so forth) seein if I’m decidin to run from another office again while tryin to keep one forefathered footstep ahead of Michele Bachmann’s focus-absorbin ways too, but I do wish her all the best, really I do, leadin from behind there in my tracks for her to step right in it.

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Monday, August 29, 2011

Gosh Yaknow It Seems As Though That Michele Bachmann Is Kinda Like a Frankenstein Monster Runnin Around The Village There Goin “GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” And Whatnot But I Helped To Make Her What She Is Today And So Forth…


Goshdarnit yaknow I just feel so compressed to comment on these explosions that Michele Bachmann seems to be detonatin here with her controversial remarks about the hurricanes and the punishments that she believes were the results of these judgments brought down from up above and on high there whereas, because I do so feel responsible for her in a way, since she did follow in my foresteps of the footfathers, in the way that I followed in the footsteps of our forefathers across this great land of ours so that the real Americans out there may be able to take part in my One Notion bus expedition and showboat tour in these open areas where we stopover in the course of this great land, and for my part although Michele Bachmann does seem to be gettin all the highlights and attention spans that I used to be gardnerin (even with all those little headaches runnin around her house and plus her migraines that she speaks about at the drop of a head there when she apparently brings her own Mr. Microphone to those podiums that I used to step up onto when I was with Jomcain the Mavrik while we were goin around politically correctin things to the way they should be goin which unfortunately is not the way that they went even with my snazzy outfits and snappy sayins and lipsticks) I do so wish her and so forth all the best currently on her trail really although I am saddled with the responsibility for creating this so-called monster that has been unleashed upon the public in much the same way that folks there on the other side of the isle think that Jomcain the Mavrik saddled and unleashed a little-known then later-known temp Alaska Governor and full time candidate there, gosh, just a kid from a small town who worked her way through journalism schools and whatnot and became a contestant in this great democratic system that we do have her for us here these days that we’re so dearly afraid is bein takin away from us and that we have to get back soon, hopefully by 2012 with our tours and speeches backin up those things such as the natural disasters caused by the current administration with their counterlocomotionwise unwise ways that we are being subjected to by the First Lady with her strict dietary guidelines that we must all adhere to, which that Michele Bachmann there does touch on when she mentions that the government thre is on the morbid obeastity diet with all the spending that Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama and his mini onions are doin there in Washington, and plus have we decided to know how much his family spends on those vacations and their clothing allowances like they did that to me (since I do know a thing or two about the clothings expenses that growin girls need and there are two of them the last time I counted, growin up like weeds over there in the White House especially with those ways that their mother has them eatin all of those genetically approved foods and what not and so forth, not to mention their grandmother with her exotic diets and nutrients) like remember that one time when I got the new wardrobes (which golly, I have to remember to return such things before too long or if they go out of style there) as if I was the one who became some sort of monster out there as we seem to have created with Michele Bachmann these days sayin these Frankenstein sayins about punishments the way she is going on about them I ask?

Friday, August 26, 2011

Yaknow, I Just Think Goshdarnit, That I Owe It To The Real Americans Out There In This Great Land Of Ours To Do A Heck Of A Job With My One Notion Bus Tours And So Forth …


Today youbetcha we are faced with so many current things out there just this minute these days, like the impensive hurricane Irene lately, and I find myself also equally pressured to perform a public service with my big bus tours and speeches that I go to and fro about, from place to place with the various members of our family there or maybe followin nearby in some other mote of transportation there, from east to west in this glorious land of opportunity, every one of which I take for myself, in an effort to speakout and trillforth my values and ideas on current events and those yaknow, those effects that the real American folks out there need to hear and are so desperately seekin until we take our country back, therefore I have been goin to those places lately to check in and see if others out there are doin a heck of a job with their viewpoints, in a fair and balanced effort to take those rumors that I am a “One Note Susan” again, so desparately seekin only one thing (to take back our country and turn it back into what it was before it was turned into what it is now and such ways that we tried to get it goin back then with Jomcain the Mavrik, who has been recently been hoistin up in the news once again, from time to time but of course without me there with my lipsticks and pitbull punch lines and snazzy jazzy outfits, all budgeted and strapped in there to catch the eye of the nation the way I did which is the way that Michele Bachmann seems to be doin for a while there, all up on those stages sayin her things about wantin to be President, even with those terrible headaches she’s got with all those kids runnin around there and then of course the migraines bouncin off the walls there, but yaknow like the kids say with the tweetin and the bookfaces there, “whatevrrrrrrrr” in those abbreviated texted ways of our great American youths out there whose futures we have to protect and so on) which is why I have made some very crucial stops along the way there on my bus tour to check in with the pulse of the nation, and also to disprove those notions that I only appear on those shows which put me up into a good lightin situation which is exampled by my recent visit to the controversial Rachel Maddow Program:

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and also too with the impingin Hurricane Irene bearin down upon us like one of those Mama Grizzlies (LOutLOL) there, I decided to check in to see if FEMA is doin a heck of job out there under Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama, because let’s face it, he’ll be rubbin it in our faces if they do a good job there, not like that other time when folks didn’t do such a heck of a job there which we all remember but of course yaknow, try to forget in this era of big government where I’m sure those fellow governors out there (but they kept their jobs full time) will politely decline those pernibbious federal funds comin from our large governments there concernin the hurricane, but no matter, I did check in to see what FEMA was up to

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and oh golly this is so excitin now, just sit down and wake up if you're standin and so forth and listen to this because I had a celebrity sightin of a sort, with that weatherman over there from The Weather Channel, the one always gettin blown about by this storm and that tornado and such, always bein so close to so many vortexes, Jim Canoli I think is his name,

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so naturally I thought I’d stop by to see how he was doin in Batteries Parks City scarin and preparin all our friends and also too all those liberals up there, which reminds me folks to please do go and stock up on those essentials if you haven’t already done so by runnin as fast as you can in a flopsweat panic (so’s you can get to the head of the line) gosh, yaknow thinkin back, we usta do that with my kids if we were in a hurry and didn’t wanna wait in line (LOutLol) for stuff there, makin all sorts of disturbances till the manager comes over and says “What seems to be the problem Ma’am" in a real businesslike voice, and then we’d start messin up the place and gettin to the head of the line and on with our business there — oh, good times, good times ya know and so forth that we did back then there — so then now here we continue on with my travels unless the weather gets too dangerous and blows our big bus into some gulley or somethin in this great land of ours which we do so hope will not happen as we spread our messages, carried by those fierce winds of freedom and liberty, as our forefathers would also have made such wind.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

So Many Things And Charts Out There Askin About Who They Want Made Me Make Up One That Includes Me Youbetcha So I Got In On It And So Forth ...


Recently so many polls have been comin out askin those great folks in this grand land of ours across the country here how many GOP candidates we got goin here nowadays, and are there enough of them runnin around here campainin, like that Michele Bachmann who stole all my thunder there back then, and Mitt Romney up there with his big houses that aren’t big enough for him and so on, plus Rick Perry who kinda stole the thunder from that Michele Bachmann (who, again, kinda stole all my thunder there back then and so on, bless her and so forth with all those kids runnin everywhere and the headaches bouncin off her noggin up there, goin to and fro and such like a bat in a cave there), and also too the kindly Huntsman is also runnin out there still, plus also others who haven’t announced yet (LOutLOL) and others who I can’t think of anymore since most of the graphs and charts I care about have to be doin with me and whether or not I’ll be runnin from another office soon which I still keep danglin around like a carrot on a stick of cheese in front of a big mouse goin round and round in circles the way they do, round and round in a wheel and so forth, and goshdarnit, yaknow I thought it was about time for me to make one of my own measurements of this data — those that I found to be most popular with me and my snatchphrases and soundnibbles that I have become accustomed to, and the real Americans out there have become expectant of me to be with concernin these polls, because I must admit I find these statics to be quite amusin when I they are yaknow, broken up and down and so forth for my behoofs (by my handlers and packagers) and I do so get a cackle out there, with me bein down at the lower ends of such percentages shown, so graphic as they extemporale me to be, but youbetcha I do put myself directly in the hands and faces of the real Americans out there across this great land of ours which was so patriotically set down by our forefathers who did not have the benefits that we have here today now with the Reuters and the Harris surveys and the other things there with Paul Revere and such rides, or even the telegraph situations with those telephone polls ringin along there, and don’t forget the brave federal pony expresses gallupin’ along there (and bell ringin, I forgot about that earlier) so I do so feel that the strong faiths I allocate with the real American peoples at those places will show me and them just how and exactly up where they will want me to fit into the future and whatnot of our politics as they see it (and would want me to be a part in) yaknow to be able to be a great stick off of this great tree of liberty system we have here juttin out for us, and to so dearly want to take back, limb by branch and so on.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Gosh, Yaknow It’s Just So Astonishin And Full Of Nostalogy For Me To Be Back Connected Together Again And Painted With Comments And To Be Able To Add A New Wrinkle To Jomcain’s Mavrik Statements For Another Goh-Round Just Like Old Times There Bein Not Forgotten And So Forth …


Gosh, yaknow it’s just so darn great to be taken nostalgically back down to the glorious ole historical places of yesteryears past, where I can look away, look away back there to when it seemed like, yaknow just yesterday and so forth when I and Jomcain the Mavrik, plus Joe the Plumber, if that really is his name (LOutLOL), with all those handlers and packagers around, when they were over there pokin and paintin and powderin at me, while we were swingin away and such at the alteriors talkin against us then, and so then now and quite recently, to be able to hear Jomcain’s purciteful and wizened statements there, so — gosh — so goshdarn strongly about how the leadin from behind there with Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama was goin, and then additionally havin Jomcain tyin it all up like a big sack there,


goin along with those beefed-up statements by our congressional leaders expressin thanks to almost all these other countries their for there success over they’re — while sayin that we didn’t do this fastly enough (which I’m gonna hafta be fully briefed-in on before I release more commentfrags concernin those important topics) but the imported thing is for us to be keepin up the pressures on Washington and to continually be shovin out the constant Pushmipullu-type aggressive policy loads in the general direction of all those doolittles in our current government of today’s time that need to be left behind on those politicos and pundants that we hear, until we can capture it and take them back from both ends there to go and do our business again.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Why Take Time Off From Your Job And Go Onto Vacations And Such To Martha’s Vineyard’s When You Can Just Quit Your Job And Do Things Halfway, Even Hobbies Right There In The Middle Of It Like I Did And So Forth...


Goshdarnit, while glidin along here upon my peripathetic bus, I pause and then start thinkin again soon after I snap back about the attention-gettin tictacs that my fellow Governor Rick Perry (except he had his governingship’s job a smidge longer than I did and whatnot) and also addin to those retractable things is all of the scene-stealin behaviors and crazy antiques that Michele Bachmann’s been tearin straight outta my playbook up and all over the lamestream medias these days, but first yaknow acourse —I just wanna say — bless her highly so, and so forth — what with all those multipludes of children to keep track of (and kudzus to her for doin that, especially with those horrid and mental stability-doubtin and debliteratin headaches she’s got runnin wild up in there, plus her husband bein outta the house workin who knows what hours, with his controversial clinics there takin government fundings and then him spendin it by tryin to turn this into that and so forth) so I'll take any kinda publicity that I can be absorbin throughout this great land of ours any old way it comes, as I travel from coast to shore on my immeasurable bus with our members of my family, all actively heritagin the national gratifications of the real Americans as we vantraipse along here with my pride and patriotisms sung so very dearly and closely to my heart and also to my phone plans, (but don’t get me wrong, we are no professional musicians or things like that and gosh, if you ever heard me sing you’d know youbetcha that I was no Stephen Songheim or anyone like that), but as we merrily go along, just as our forefathers would have wanted us to be, me with my porta-podiums to places whenever I goh and wherever I can set them up to stand and deliver my speechbursts and so forth,




punchanjudilly opposite from the bus shenanigans that Brack Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama’s doin, and plus yaknow, runnin off to Martha’s Vineyard’s and such places where I wouldn’t even probably be able to fit our great big huge mammoth motor vehicle onto (because it’s so exclusionary there — which by the way — I wouldn't have done anyhow because of my image to uphere to) therefore finally now, I bring myself to be rapidly trumpeted to ask all of you real Americans out there within the range of the sound of the thrashold of my voice, this important question which is yaknow, foundated upon the very own personal experiences from me, and here it is I ask you: why in the free world would anyone take a vacation from a full-time job and such, when ya can just up and quit, right in the middle of it, and then once you get freed-up up from those bindin ties, you can go onta do other things (to be able to do) that he did (right at the end of the summer economical tourist season there and all) so that’s why when I was asked about whether I would do such a disrespectfully arrogant thing to the hard-workin American people, I unanimously said these responses in reaction to him rubbin our noses right into it there (those noses which are also placed right in front of our faces) put out of joint (our patriotic noses in front of our real American-faced nose-faces out there) so of course when my opinions and updates were so dearly and rabidly sought after as they often are durin those primetimes when these controversial White House flares are sparked up by those Washington cabinets and so forth (with who knows what-all traditions and ceremonies and other mysterious rituals they’re doin and makin-over now in our nation’s capital there that we wanna take back and so forth concernin our presidencies) I expressed them from my position there under the lights and lenses and such other opticals (when I was specifically asked in those phrases and words) as to whether or not I’d ever be goin on a vacation there at such a time as this (as if I would ever be in that situation to do so, land snakes alive — which is why I do so love to go onto that TV show there because yaknow I feel as though they have elevatored me to soaringly elected offices) which then acourse gets those wishin and hopin and prayin ideas bachrached into the folk’s minds out there, it only makes sense that they continue to warwick my once dusty thinkin patterns and utterances (since, after all, I am springfielded over there at the Fox networks and so forth to be a pandit)


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therefore I do garner up my thoughts and prompt myself to respond after carefully honin in on that vacation subject matter (of whether I woulda done such a thing like desert the American people) — well acourse naturally I eventually yaknow said youbetcha — no — I most absolutely would not have definitely and or certainly would have yaknow not (as if like I said before that I’d ever get the goshdarn chance anyway (LOoutLOL)), I mean about bein President and all, even though at present since I don’t want to step on Rick Perry’s toes or smash down on Michele Bachmann’s foot or anything, I still haven’t fully decided whether or not I’m gonna get into the races there once I get my mojones back from Governor Perry if and ever if he stops bein all Texas about things and plus also when I get those things back from that Michele Bachmann once she stops bein all whatever the heck she’s doin around here (bless her and whatnot) in those electoral traditions that we were chasin after, not so long, long ago that one time back when with Jomcain the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber and his identities up there with us on the rallyforths, stringin along with us like a third wheeler there, glimmerin with all the lights and the attentions and wireless microphones and other fashion-ready devices that I had bedraped upon me for my maximum exposurabilities (not discountin those markedly-priced chinstraps and neck-firmin devices and powdered means and so forth (and you ladies out there don’t be submissive and so on about makin the outsides look and feel like the insides of yourself look and feel, because as the famous sayin goes, “you feel as young as your looks make you feel” there)) with those continued whistlestops and weathered effects upon us then across this great land of ours, and besides, speakin of that big expensive wasteful bus that the President newly ordered at the snap of his big fingers with that big thumb thumbin his nose at us there, which again, Charlie, was such a, such a dearly big and squanderfully fritterful abuse of those precious American funds durin this nationally glum economy time and so on, and also don’t forget the recessionary things goin on here today to be able to do it at this poverted time (the lavish vacations, where he keeps goin away at, to places we don’t get into there and again, with his continued luxurious thumbs in our workin class noses toward us) so in this vane, I’m gonna delinernate some projects that I have done halfway, insteada runnin off durin full times I had, which is what I started off to make this entry a subject of when I first mentioned it, oh gosh, I’d say wayback about 15 miles down the road there — that it is to a large extent much more easier to quit a job and to be movin on up and so forth, than it is to just take a break from it (even though when you started it, you and many others out there thought you’d be havin a particular job for maybe even twice as long as you kept it) and aloofly jetoff on your secret service uneconomical bus, especially when there’s more opportunistic opportunities to take over and behoove yourself with, which is what I’ve been doin since resignin from the Alaska job that I rained over for specifically half of that elected time, so here at last, are some of those suggestions and maybe you can do them too in half of your spare time like I did trendfully so, such as for instance, NUMBER ONE, bakin a half a cake


since we know it’s so important to have mostly fair and balanced foodstuffs, but not in the way that Michelle Obama’s tryin to stuff foods into our children’s future mouths and down the real throats of the American people, I mean goshdarnit that’s just not gonna fly around the buttermilk anywhere near my tables and so forth near here, as I have said previously in regards to those ideas of hers that just tip those scales a little too far off balance toward our overweight national children and so on, but the half a cake idea is good because FOR ONE, it only takes half the time that you’d be wastin on it by spendin the full time on a whole cake, and then FOR ANOTHER, you could go on to do other things usin the other half of your bakable time that you didn’t use, for example here’s ANOTHER SECOND HALF OF AN ADDITIONAL IDEA BASED ON THE SECOND PART OF THE FIRST HALF here, intended for those people still with me, especially if you’re the kinda personality like I am, and also are always lookin for broadcastingly speechable attractions to be latchin yourself into, such as a carnival or sideshow or a state fair which I did recently there in Iowa and so forth


or or any old place that draws a mob — then gather round folks (LOutLOL) and listen to this SECOND IDEA HERE (HURRY HURRY UP AROUND HERE AND SO ON) so then how about growin half of a beard for your face


so then you could goh set up some stools and get one of those mountable podiums or such quick-buildable bleacher-like seatin arrangements, especially if there’s not enough room there in the parkin lot or you didn’t call ahead for the permits and so forth, and become a part-time sideshow attraction, since then you’d have all the local built-in natives captivated nearby and right there to listen to the text screechages across this great land of ours that propel out of my face, makin my pronoun cements heard, and plus it would definitely keep their attentions spanned and so forth for your talkin points (the half-beard) since they always would be wonderin which side of your face you were talkin out of (plus you could be doin it as part of such attractions or if a traveling show comes to town with oddities of nature which you could possibly do from a tent on a part-timed basis also only again, taking up half of your time) but if that's not for you, then ONE OTHER THING YOU COULD DO if you’re like me and you get sicka doin things before they’re all the way finished (and gosh most folks here that listen to and soak up my sound-wells mostly are like me), like say you're tired of presidin over a house which happens sometimes after the second year of doin somethin or whatnot, then you just could get rid of half of it but — however please do so be careful crossin the street though, 

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because it could be dangerous to be doin it if you don’t look both ways, and the medias will have to restart their movie clips of you with the papparatzies askin ya to retake this and reshoot that and start over again so we can get a good shot and all of those Hollywood terms that they used also too with my movie premiere out there met with hostility and neglect, called “The Undefeated” which lukewarmly was received and faintly so by the public out there, which remind me, you could also half-do a movie there, FOR EXAMPLE HERE THIS THING TO DO when in the middle of a movie if you wanta, just get up and walk right out right when you want to durin the middle if it’s unbearable 

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or just not worth it with all the high prices that those films and events cost, not to mention the retractable red carpet that we paid good money for thanks to the nationalistic and generous donations from our friends across this great land of ours,
so if you can’t donate as much as you’d like to, you can always donate half and so forth with these ideas that may provide some guidance as I like to do for the country and our nation, as the forefathers would have me do to hold the attentions of the history makers nearby and also in our not too recently passed ages of long ago were.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I Am Now Able To Be Additionally Franchised And Solutized On An As Needed Basis Across This Great Land Of Ours And So Forth …

Yaknow goshdarnit, now that I do so have an immensely great deal of time on my hands and whatnot due to all the active ignorin that the reporters and such lamestream media individuals and so on are actively doin now moreso at me because of those things that “You-Know-Who, Mother of the Year and Have It All It Gal” Michele Bachmann is doin by spongin up all my former attentions and glares that I usesta be able to get while on and off my trails and so forth, I have moments in time to sit on the big bus here and there and seemingly everywhere to be able to ponder what it is that my next expansions will be, as I reach out to outreach from town to town in this great land of ours which provides us with many deli meats, national opportunities and components that are bein so recklessly squandered by the Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama administration especially now so pointily with him skedaddlin off there to Martha’s Vinyeards and such resort producin industries designed for and by the elites and out-of-touch friends that he pals around with in Washington and other controversial places and crowds in those other states there where they all gather like a gang and such posse-like groupings to hang out and relax while the rest of us hard-workin Americans around those other less chillable abodes toil daily and so very hard also to be able to make ends meet in the middle for themselves which I can relate to since that is what I am used to be doin throughout my livelihood as a mom and worker there while continually comin up with and bein given some thoughts and ideas which entrail such “product placements”
which I could do a good job at, since I am clever at talented at fusing myself into major situations and things wherever and whenever I go to trillabout this or that, or praps some other fixations that I could do would be, yaknow, to be able to become a spokesspeaker for many events and movements that turn out to be popular across this country here, where I take the time to meet and greet the so many folks out there followin in the traditions of our presently lifeless forefathers back there in history as brush-strokedly described in those oil paintings and renderings that we see and admire in our nation’s capital and other places such as museums and theme parks where I have also gone to also too and visited and remarked upon with wonderment mixed up with hefty pride and patriotism, which I have always held onto for myself and inserted into my children even before we leased-to-own the large bus for our family trips that are followed like a ball of yarn by a kitten there, with all the folks gatherin round in the parkin lots and other areas there expressin an interest in every single thing I and we do, from winkin my eye to blowin my nose to chippin a nail or eatin outdoors or goin through a cow barn which was lots of fun that time durin the Ohio State Fair or was it back over in Iowa, we’ve been to so many loads of places in such a goshdarn hurry that I get em all mixed up and so forth out there across these great state-run areas that we pull over at, with the time zones all there and such continental divides and vistas that we are barely able to take all in at once or even twice and write about, which I manage to do now and here up-to-the-minute-like from our very extremely large and growin bus which speaks to our extremely large and growin base of fans in the real America somewhere where my future plans for these spokesgigs
and representational occupations which I am prepared to do will effectively positively affect the general public out there who otherwise would have to be relied on to figure out these things by themselves if it weren’t for me bein so affected and in addition, the fair and balanced medias that I affiliate myself with from time to time, and I don't know, even those speechcasts from my own home studio (which was my former rumpus room once I got those large hockey sticks and such ice-related mimeobilia moved outta there and into a goshdarn storage pod and such substantial unit down there) with the screens there near my rear projections and sometimes guest-hosted by the public persons who congregate these broadcasts and invite me to invite them into my own home by invitation only, namely Greta Van Susteren and Hannity and sometimes the Bill O’Reilly program host also too which I have always found yaknow, to be just so inciteful for me to be on whenever my team of trundable assistants and staffscads are able to poke out the time for me to sit down and get all powder-and-paint ready for the lights and cameras, which I can do at the drop of a dime which should prove to all of you potential hirers out there that I am so very dearly adaptable and possess such cat- and Gumby-like readiness to be able to pounce into this or that hat or shed into and out of such different skins and other exterior looks, available at a momentous moment’s moment to push out or endorsify whatever may be needin a boost-up out there in the national derisions that are available to our treacherously-balanced free society held in the balance here, that we once had which I constantly declare about for us to take back from wherever the present administration is takin it to (wherever that scary and unpatriotical place may be there) which is maybe why my mammothly gigantic bus goes to so many places to find where the country’s goin these days, and if of course, if I could be of any possible help whatsoforth in, like say,


me bein a country finder or such locator, then that would be somethin I’d be more than in high spirits to do while we’re just burnin daylight and gasoline these days across here, or so it seems through this great land of ours in between keepin up with the current harvest of candidates out there which may or may not include me (LOutLOL) or not because I’m still around here youbetcha, just kinda twistin in the wind with my “maybe I will or maybe I won’t will” do this or run from that to be found out later if we keep the folks around there to be able to be on “stay tuned” stratus and so on while I absorb myself with my many pronoun cements and potential just-a-positions and hirin opportunistic arrangements that will be able to — like the aforesaidabout Gumby, as I did so abovemention before — fit into, or more correctly interweave and bend myself into as the cases may be for that belovedly friendly animated (or so my movement specialists inform me is more rightly called) “stopped-motion” green beast from our past childhoods, crammed and chalk fuller moral teachings durin those short film espadrilles, with Pokey there and so forth and Davey and Sally plus the other clay-headed figurines with the moveable mouths that we do so adore from primetime to time in our history of televised learnings, when we were positioned in front of those televised entertainments much like those terracotta characters in there, providin us with so many hours of amusements and perhaps for me in the future they can and will hopefully provide me with so many more springform opportunities for me to be able to further those very esteemed amusements available across the airwaves (to be able to add to them and so forth) and such other yaknow, technical mediums to be able to reach out to the real Americans out there in the heartlands and placed unto the very feet of our democratic systems of governing (which I and my family do so cherish from our travelin cavalcade here) which is bein threatened, as I do so go on and on and on about endlessly, while the President goes on and off, runnin off there to thumb his nose with his big thumb stuck out there right into our very eyes and right beside our very noses while also rubbin those same noses into it while on vacation and not workin thank you very much, while enjoyin time with his family on our precocious taxpayer dollars and cents, or so they say he will be doing, because yaknow of course this is all bein viewed through the lamestreamed lens of those lamestreamed media lenses out there, with their trick questions like that one time with Katie Couric when she asked me oh, goshdarnit I don’t know what-all about what I was sposeta know about the print journalism that I was sposeta be informed of since acourse to a degree, I did sposta earn a degree in journalism once I got outta all those endless places of higher matriculatory learnin colleges, and then when it was my turn, I walked boldly and confidently across the stage with that sassy sash, oh wait for cripes sakes — that was the Miss Alaska Game Show contest (LOutLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that I was entranced into — I got em all mixed in up there because see, golly yaknow youbetcha that even definitely proves my point youbetcha right now, that there are so many vastly detailed and followed things that I have done and will be able to do which proves once again my spirit of Claymation and adaptability
for future hirin opportunica which I will display here graphically (pictures I mean not graphs although I do want some pie now come ta think of it since I mentioned graphs because I always think of pie when I think up graphs) to jump myself upon there, up onto potential platforms and bosses and sponsors and so on, so thank you so very much for your time in these rich and fruitfilled matters and so forth as we drive along down the roads and pathways and also don’t forget those many canyons, valleys and crevices that our great nation holds for the future of our children before it’s all thrown down the pan there and we end up at the back of some dark alley out there one night without those things which are historically treasureable while we still have them to seek out and boldly go where no van has gone before and so on with our treks or also too by bus.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

So The Big Bus Tours Were My Idea In The First Place, But I Guess The Most Sincere Form Of Flattering Is Invitation And So Forth ...

So goshdarnit, whose idea was it thank you very much anyway to have a gigantic bus tour and then be able to crisscross from here to there, I ask all of you good and real Americans out there in this great land of ours (if I may be so bold as to put forward that question, youbetcha) because it was not the current President of the United States, thank you very much again in case you were wonderin, even though now when I look up upon the monitors we have here installed into the big bus, what do I see before my wanderin eyes appearin on the newsfeeds and programs pray tell (plus also too my handlers and face bookin writer staff and twit content advisers have advised me of these turns of events), but the product of the lamestreamers out there is what I see, that’s what, actually and shockingly those Katie Couric type trick makers and tripper uppers are coverin the bus tour by Brack Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama, as if he invented it and so forth, but nope, lemme tellya it was I that did it and this is actually how it all happened originally really from me, thinkin back here and now for you I will do, with my thoughts and whatnot and it goes a little somethin like this story:



Once upon a time one day as I was goin back home rather enhurriedly from one of my many speeches and rallies across this great land of ours (because I was afraid some wicked old witch was gonna take my country away from me and us and so forth which kinda is what has happened, but it was a he and not a she but anyway), as I was runnin home to my Auntie Dem (who has some political beliefs that differ from mine but I still respect her opinions and am open to her delicious crullers and such just-rised baked goods and breakfasts and wholesome mid-western type meals which is funny, considerin I’m from Alaska, but that’s neither near nor there) to tell her all about Obama Gulch, who was gonna come and take my country away, but Auntie Dem wouldn’t listen to me because she was too busy gettin her chicks all lined up in a row out there in the barn,


so she told me that there was no time for my idiotic foolhardyness as she put it and so on, bless her heart the old thing, but then right after I told her that even, right there from my house where I see so many things includin Russia, guess what I see comin right inside the house and through the front door, it’s Old Obama Gulch ridin up there just like I predicted,


because apparently in this great land of ours, folks can elect just anyone and so on with voters and the media exposures swayin folks this way and that way, just as it happened here in this great heartland that we cherish and so forth, which made me very frightened and also too made me want to take our country back from wherever Obama Gulch was gonna take it away to, and enabled me to be able to decide to capture drastic actionable actions which eventually transformed into me runnin away on a big bus and spreadin the warnin words wide and far out there like a vast net of words, a kindle to what Paul Revere did when he made those historical Midnight Special rides goin through the towns back then, ringin those bells around Bunker’s Hill and Lexington, Concord and Welch’s to warn the people set up in New England there by our forefathers and such historical heroes that I do so admire highly and so forthly, and also those whom I also numerously plus repeatedly bring up to speak of and touch at with my speechcasts projectiled out there, so durin which time just then all of a sudden, the bus gets muscled around by all these frightenin and dangerous winds comin from where else, from the left, I mean comin from the West, but I can’t be sure because everythin gets really dark and cloudy and scary right up there under our noses, right there in front of our very real American faces out in the open there, so quickly then, I decide to head back home to Auntie Dem, but wouldn’t yaknow it, the reinforced door to the bunker was locked,


so there I am, by myself alone out there all stranded and whatnot, with the wind blowin, and the laundry and the hosiery twistin in the wind back there, rustlin up the barn and the cowhouse, so then inside I go to be able to hide under my bed or some such area there and suddenly out of the pane I get a knock upside my head all of a sudden and so forth, which makes me see things in a different way from out my window there (which then at that momentous moment gave me an idea about creatin the present-day bus rides we have here, that I thought up first) but first, with all the things I saw which are somewhat unbelievable for me to be sayin but trust me youbetcha, they really did burst forth right straight outta my head, for example first, from my house where I am able to see such things from, up into the big twister I went, and while I was gettin all twisted, among the unbelievable peoples and things I saw around there who helped me along the way were (1) me, and (b) the many crowds of supporters who would continue to help me to form my large and expandin base,


so it was kinda like a picture window into the future and so on youbetcha, so off I go on down to greet my fans with my messages and things all in my basket of tricks and clichés and sayins and winks and other glitches that have become my trademarks, and along the way there I met all sorts of different citizens as I went down there followin the yellow bricks and such roads along to my ultimate destination which I was a little idiotically foolhardy of then,



but I knew in the back of my skull if I just kept sayin “I want our country back, I want our country back” over and over again until I was numb, then I’d be on the right track, no matter who got in my way along the road there, or who would steal my spotlight and so forth,


or say, perhaps maybe announced durin the GOP debate stage back then there that she was gonna file some papers and whatnot to run this and that (LOoutLOL) to be able to be elected unto this high office that she was gonna go for, even though I must say that I, youbetcha I do so wish her all the best, really I really really do, (what with all those kids to keep wrangled together and the headaches and so forth, and probably nobody ever home due to her husband also bein a career guy with his clinics and controversial therapies there (LOutLOL)) for her to be able to follow my highheeled footsteps there (that I paved the way for her to do back then when I was gettin all the attentions with my lipsticks and such snappy comments and sassy sayins and spitfire-type attitudes and shoot-em-up, lock and load wardrobes and leathers and such getups), so anyhow on I went, spreadin my words which I continue to do, so it really is my idea that all came to me in a dream back then as to how this bus tour brainchild was born, only to be copied I guess sadly and shockingly to me, but I should be flattered and so forth because as the sayin goes, “the most sincere form of flattering is invitation,” so I guess I invited those copycats and copykittens out there to imitate me because our ways are effective there across this great land of ours that we continue to travel off to see, brick by brick, toward that shinin city over there to be gotten to in our future, and with any luck hopefully in 2012 youbetcha, but insomuchas plus if we get to go there by followin the patriotic ways that our forefathers dreamed of also, just like I did in memory of all those lifeless historical figures of long ago then, and also yaknow, at the last stop of a long trip like that,


you learn that if you haveta go lookin for things out there that are right in your own backyard or from your house, like keys if you forget em like I always do — gosh I swear if my head wasn’t bolted into my neck I’d leave it on the kitchen table sometimes (LOutLOL) — or say maybe you forget your cellphone or even what you should be doin for the good of your country and so forth, when you eventually come to and wake up, you can be able to take a look around, and then say straight into the faces of the real Americans out there, and … well, aw what the heck, I’ll even include, just because, … oh goshdarnit Auntie Dem, … home’s no place like there!






Monday, August 15, 2011

Yaknow I Really Connected With That One Book Called "Sarah, Palin and Tall" Because That's So Similar To My Namesake And Such As It Turns Out And So Forth ...

So I was readin a book the other day … on my gigantic family sized bus and all, and so youbetcha I really felt a real connection because it was called “Sarah, Palin and Tall” which I had become so familiar with from readin it over the many years that I have been reading, and also sharin it at my family children as I have done for years because it has always been on my readin list thank you very much Katie Couric, (and goshdarnit now why didn’t I think of that during the interview segment there when she asked me back then and so forth about the things I didn’t read in the mornings and such matters, but no matter) but gettin back to that and so on, I felt like that character coincidentally named Sarah (LOutLOL) because I was called out by the American folks up there in this great land of ours to fill a void and to become part of a family, the family of the real Americans out there on the planes and hills and/or valleyways of our forefather’s land that they trekked and plodded for us with their mighty pens and parchment papers and sweepin declarations and those independent things which we proudly take part in today thanks to them back then when they thought all of this up, so anyways I answered that ad to be a kinda America's mail order bride to the nation and whatnot, and since that fatefilled day when Jomcain sent out that letter on behoove of the citizens, down I came from the coast of Alaska, not Maine where the namesake of mine in the book came from, but nationwide it was the other coast youbetcha, so then down I came, still Remy Nissan for my home up near the Northern area there, makin friends from here and afar from up on high here, with the aid of my bus tours and podium events which we dazzle the folks with, and even doin books and movies which the Sarah in the book wasn’t able to do because of the history of the times in which she took place in, not to be able to have television or cables out there in the little house on her prairie, and the telegraph devices which could have been installed by the Pony Express riders I suppose probably, but they would not have been so blessed as we are (with our "bands with" and such wide-fires and USA cables that the technical interns here tell me about when they come to plug in our machines or sometimes fix our technical gadgets) with those objects that we have goin on nowadays throughout our "bigger than life, and twice as natural"-sized large bus, lookin so much like a big switchboard up there at the cockpit and so on, so much differential from the stickshifts and gears and clutches that we enjoy across the tundras with the snowmobiles and the other ice and snow vehicles with their treads and tirechains, making me so intensely very homesick for Alaska a little bit, just like Sarah was for her home in our great state of Maine (I mean the "book" Sarah, not me, the "media" Sarah) out here in the field, just kinda standin here after the straw poll with the candidates goin on there to get all the attention, like that Michele Bachmann is doin now as I usedta be doin, but I don’t want to go into all that and so on, what with all that responsibility she’s got includin the 30+ kids, also plus the headaches which I do hope will not be interferon with her duties, which heaven knows she’s been neglectin with all the runnin around from this news place to that campaign deal here and there all over, with the airwaves just lousy with her intense staring with her eyes and eyebrows up there everyplace, all plasmad up on the flatscreens and such liquid crystal displays, practically every goshdarn channel you turn into youbetcha I mean with those remotes and other wands and such things there, but I do wish her all the best, really I do up there with all those many scattered things to deal with after leavin the success of the Iowa polls behind me in the haydust and all, with me lookin at it from here, combin those straw sticks out my hair and movin ahead with our messages and so forth.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

It’s Great, Just Great And I Could Not Possibly Be Any Happier Than I Am Right Now That Michele Bachmann And Her Group There Got To Be The Big Winners In Iowa So Good For Her And Here’s A Great Big Heck Of A Smile Goshdarnit, And So Forth …


Youbetcha, I’m just so goshdarn glad and happy and whatnot for that Michele Bachmann yaknow, drawin the longest straw over there in the straw pole in Iowa, servin up all that food, provin that sayin from that baseball movie about “if you feed them, they will come” and so forth, and I do wish her all the best, I really do and such things to come her way which I forefathered earlier when I was gettin all the buzz and such, but I still do manage to create a stir when I go from here and there in my big bus, like when the State Fair was goin on there and the reporters and the cows were all lowin and the reporters were all followin in my trails there in the barn with the folks askin for my autographs and whether I’d be runnin for office which I still haven’t decided yet for practical purposes and so forth, but did I mention I was so glad for that Michele Bachmann winnin all the attentions there, I mean it’s such an accomplishment and all what with that buncha kids to look after and then there’s the headaches which were shown on that magazine cover which was so controversial the other time there with her on the cover bein able to be all national in the headlines, also too in the newspapers (all of ‘em) and gee, it’s just so great for her to be advancin there with her things that she gets on up there and makes speeches about, and by the way we are good friends and I do so admire her and her accomplishments that she’s done years after my doin them, pavin the way and so forth for these things to be able to happen in this great land of ours, echoin my things that I used to be all sassy and up in the faces of the folks around there wherever I went, doin this and doin that all over the continent here, makin movie premieres and reality shows and so forth, heh heh yeah, it’s just great to be able to be on out there among the real Americans spreadin the messages, from the Grand Canyon where ya can yell “Hello out there, is anybody listenin to me anymore out there and so on” and then ya wait for the big echo and such reverbs to come backatcha with the voice of the people which we do so admire on our trips there and other historical places once we get the parkin permits and find a car wash that can polish up the bus, cause youbetcha ya can’t just drive one of these monstrosities up to any old carwash and just go on in there to get a wash and a buffjob, ya gotta plan these things ahead of time, like I guess that Michele Bachmann did the other time when they were havin the first debates and so on, back then when she mentioned that she’d be filin presidential papers and whatnot, so I guess that was the first time she kinda took the shine off my boots back there, and now to be where she is now, winnin the votes and servin up all those county fair type foods and havin Randy Travis do some songs and everything there that would get the folks into the tent, bein on her side and all which happens when ya put on such dog and pony shows and et cetera, makin a lotta noise and stirrin up the folks like she does there, heh heh ya it’s just great to be able to sit back here and watch it all happenin right there in my face and so on, right in front of me where the folks are lookin at what she’s now currently doin, so yaknow again, bless her heart and so forth to be able to carry that spear that she talks about, with that metal spine she has there which she speaks of from time to time which I guess is a good thing, but it sounds like some kinda replacement surgery or somethin, which maybe would make some folks kinda nervous about havin that sorta person in charge a things ya know, with metal parts and plastics and such, because I’m just thinkin out loud here about the betterments for our country here, and again, I do wish her the best, I’m just sayin that if she’d be a threat and whatnot to the airport security systems and mechanical devices they have there that it just may perhaps be a matter of concern there, but I guess her team has thought all of that out prior, they seem to be smart folks she’s got there workin things, so I guess they did think things through ahead atime with the Randy Travis star makin guest appearance and plus the food tents and speeches and things that she came here equipped with which I guess costs a lot of dough, what with the prices so high these days, no thanks to Brack Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa and folks like that up in Washington today, so I have to wonder where she gets all that cash from and all, not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just that I wonder where it all comes from, what with her husband runnin that clinic which can’t take in that much money, and such donors that are on those lists with the limits of how much you can get, and this and that and the other things to be, I don't know, investigated maybe out in the open here with an official inquiry and such, but I’m sure it’s all on the level and gosh, again I mean it when I say I just could not be any happier if I tried to about her developments and advancements here as we roll along down the campaignin trail there, onto 2012 where we’ll see whatever those other folks do so that I can continue to be able to talk about them some more, and then decide to be able to be endorsing, or commentin on them or maybe even stickin my big fat toe in there for whatever works out better to keep me goin down that long and windin road there in the big bus that takes us on not just these, but other family traditional vacations that we do, and also the good times that we have when bein able to be all together with the kids and the media and so forth around those places.