Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving Youbetcha And Here Is What I Am Able To Be Thankful For ... And So Forth

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Goshdarnit I Got My Foot Stuck In It Again By Givin The Big Scoop To Someone Else So I Outfoxed Myself That Time ... And So Forth

Goshdarnit, my air time seems to be gettin kinda thin like when I’d go to high up in the mountains up in Alaska when I’d pass out to be unconscious all those times but recently I guess the on air time has been thin cuz I got yelled at by the owner of the Fox News programs about that one time I announced (finally for cryin’ out loud it took me forever it seemed) when I wasn’t gonna be able to run for the President job because of my conflictin schedule of events across this great land, and so when I did finally say “no, I shall not be able to do it my great American friends but keep sendin money anyway just in case”, I didn’t spill the ‘no run beans’ on those Fox programs that have been so accustomated to seein me, plus yaknow sorry seems ta be the hardest word, said that great poet somewhere back there across this great land of ours in song, and if I could have it to announce in a do-over all over again and again and again (to do over) from my enormous bus out there across this great land of ours I guess I woulda pulled over my One Notion bus into one of the many broadcastin studios there that Robert Ailes owns throughout this great nation that previously used to salutate me so happily into the bright lights and microphones and so forth with the big cushions there for me to answer upon, and the comfortable couches too and even from my own home studio I would be able to do those things with the mountains and vistawhatnots out the back window all lit up into the living rooms of the real Americans, then I woulda said I wasn't gonna run to be president after gettin all that money from my Sarahpac, right up to the last minute there on his channel boyhowdy, but I guess I just forgot to be able to do it, what with all my speechmakin and booksignin and commentatin and autographin and bustrippin and candidate endorsin and family raisin and neck tightenin and so forth so I just kinda forgot who the boss was instead of it bein me, so youbetcha I put my foot right in it once again is what I did then during those times.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Those Occupiers Blockin the Walls and Streets Are In The Way And Plus Are Also Creatin A Doggone Traffic Hazard For Progress In This Great Land And Just Need To Get A Job Or Just Stay Home or Go Away To Somewhere Else … And So Forth

Goshdarnit, boy howdy am I ever in high spirits youbetcha that there’s somethin goin on nationwide across this great land of ours that I can take parts in and weigh in on, with my large and expandin base, to be able to get on in there and criticize it about, when my facts are all spread out on cards for me, all easy-like (thank you very much Katie Couric) if you all care to remember that one time when I didn’t know what the jillikers I was audiatin about durin my roll-out (LOutLOL) concernin these so called protestors, but now I am informed enough to poke the stick of the flagpole that flies the flag of the real Americans at them out there through their homemade homes, those unsatisfied occupiers who are so much opposite from those common, down to earth regular folks that I drive by and wave to while ensconed into my big One Notion bus, spreadin words and phrases that I have become so dearly held up for as I go from podium to mall, parkin lot to staged events, rallyin the folks around me like Paul Revere did at Lexington, Concord and Welch’s, ringin and ridin, singin and chidin, plus and also too turnpikin down the roadways and dirtpaths and grottoes laid down these long and many years ago which have become parchmented values preserved in our museums and old books set down by our great, lifeless forefathers who currently are buried under this great nation into those sacred grounds and cemeteries that I pass over and uphold for the sake our nation, and to take the country back from people like Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa and those Street Occupiers there, walled off under those unsanitated tents and smell-filled “lean-tos” composted of close quarters that they have trespassed up because of the failed policies of the current administration which thankfully allow me to continue barrelin through the crowds with my speechforths, (but I better watch it with my direct language there about drivin through crowds since that has actually happened, or so they say these things have indeed taken place there on those tent cities, so I guess apparently that’s what Occupational hazards mean for those radical elements, and also too I should give it a rest because back when I used to say those things about lock and load and reload with the targets on the district maps when we put all those violent images up on the interwebs for any crazy uncle to go off on, doubleplus so then when it really did happen with that shootin and for which we were so dearly sorry for, not that we had anything to do with that but to be sensible and just in case, we called our internet folks and so they spitspot took that graphic down youbetcha faster than Superman folds sheets on laundry day, and immediately displeased all of our responsibilities and liables in that area as quick as castor oil through grandma, but anyways I hope people forget about so many things we did in the past, so why the heck am I bringin it up now, well cuz I just guess I can’t stop once I get started on a tonguetrill over there with my wisdom-makins and opinionatin now from here in Buena Vista with the good views I can see out of) where I can look out across the land and latch onto these terrible times in our future that we have down the road for us which we are able to do now in the hopes that the optimism that once gripped this nation like an eagle with its powerful outstretched talents will swoop down again and reclaim all of the things that we lost so we can start from scratch and once again to take back them, boldly led by our soon to be chosen GOP candidate winner (who I don’t know or haven’t expressed an endorsement for yet since things are so up in the air) which is certainly takin its own sweet time by jing, what with the “touchy-feely” issue goin on there with Herb Cain and those accusers poppin out of a cake like in those stageshows and burlesques, and that crazy speechmakin that Rick Perry did the other day with his loose gesturin and unconventional speech patterns with his googly eyes and hair, and then still there’s that Michele Bachmann, for cryin out loud why is she even still there still, but bless her anyway again, with those many children to be responsible for and the husband with his troubles with the controversial behavioral tictacs he uses, and acourse those imbalancin headaches, plus also Mitt Romney with his “which way do I put my shoes on like any other person on Monday or Wednesday in my big house with its strange religious customs and maybe I need to buy a bigger house so I can be livin in a bigger house” which leaves us in doubt about the other days of the week when he puts on his garments and which way the wind will be blowin for him to latch onto, and then there’s the others like Newt Gingrich with his wife Calistic, and her jewelry addiction and that severe and reflective helmethead hairdo that looks like she could cut glass with it (and maybe if she could, she should just do that at the Tiffanys store front window and just reach in and grab those gemstones and other shiny barbells and such things instead of runnin up all those credit card bills (LOutLOL)) so I will endorsificate somebody at some time in the future comin up to keep my relevant position in the industry not dried up like so many jobs and futures for our children that we sadly face and would have been avoided if me and Jomcain the Mavrik had been able to get on in there and legislate the other laws that we wanted to be there in place, and of course with me bein in charge of the Senate if I had been able to accept the award as Vice President durin those times when we tried to do it before my current career as “super booster” and mom and book writer and reality show actress and commentator and what-all across this great nation plus celebrity and other things.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Where Have All The Monies Gone And When Will They Ever Learn To Leave Me Alone ... And So Forth

Where has all the money gone goshdarnit, youbetcha I have been told by my staff that some of those lamestream media types out there seem to be askin about me, and plus about those things with my Sarahpac when they were inter-nettin around, casting their webs far and widely out, beggin and blowin and so forth, collectin and askin for those handouts right up to the point where I decided to deprive myself of the office of the President up over in Washington, all the cash helpin me decide if I was gonna do it or not for this great nation of ours (run I mean) that was laid down by our forefathers for us to boldy go across this nation in my big One Notion bus with my family and yaknow perhaps it is true that the price of gas for my travels and maintenance has gone up since I started my speakin tour (not the kind of gas that comes out of my speakin, I mean the kind that goes into the machines and tanks that power this great country made and assembled by those hard workin real Americans who I do so believe in that are here legally of course I mean, except that all the jobs are bein siphoned away with a big socialist-type straw by the policies of Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa) and also speakin of straws, the price of saliva has salivated upwardly and quite rapidly as a result of our once growing but not stagnated economy to keep that big and shiny shine on the family One Notion bus so that we can glide effortlessly onto the next speakin engagements and assembly halls that we have booked (with my still ongoin book signins and speechyaps available on tapes and compacted disks not to mention the rhetorical tourblasts that I am invited to partake in with my snappy rhetoric that I am enriched with) thanks to my kickstart with the Jomcain involvement that I had with those early GOP stageshows which provided me with a rich broth of materials and wardrobes for my snappy sayins, pointy barbs and sassy fabrics that some folks said an arm and a leg was spent on to show that I did indeed did have controllable arms and legs which did not flail about (as my lamestream media enemies accused me of, like when that know-it-all Miss Katie Couric that one time when she tried to trip me up and push me to the journalistic ground with those trick questions which she learned about at her journalism school which I never was taught of at my journalism schools) which I was happy to demonstrate to the delight of the members of my enthralling audiences that did put me back in the mindsap of when I was involved in the Miss Alaska Pageant back then before I became the celebrity that I was transfirmed into to this day (especially around my jawline, and those neckrings if you look at some of the early pictures that are like “BEFORE” and “AFTER” which is quite horrible I must say again and again to be transparent about it, which is the terrible burden of double-standardization that we as moms in the public spotlights must endure which is what I went through first before that famous mom of all those kids that she talks about the minute the sun comes up over the mountain (Michele Bachmann) stole my limelights there some time ago and went onto go into the debatable shows there with her podiums and speechmakins with even more barbed comments about Brak Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamaa which first, I did not approve of because I didn’t think of it first, and second, I hate comin in runner up or second term) but speakin of that Miss Alaska pageant I did come in as a runner-up so I had to grin and bear it back then to show that I was a “team player” which practiced me up good for those shows with Jomcain the Mavrik and Joe the Plumber when he could get to those events (and by the way, I am still waitin for him to call me to beg for my overwhelming support with my large and expanding base to tilt his way onto his political goals and futures) as I have so much time now on my hands and other limbs which are again, fully controllable and functional, to help promote and endorsify others there that do tote the party favors for us like-minded institutionals to follow through on to be part of this Grand Old Team Party of ours, where we want so dearly much youbetcha to take the country back from where it is now, wherever that is so that when we find it and can take it back, we will bring it there for us to get things goin again finally in the right direction for a second time instead of bein Shanghai’d away from us, which does sound Socialist-like if you ask me which is dangerous for our country these days in the current administration for us which we do not believe in, bein a democracy-lovin nation as we found we had been founded on in the past history by those foundin fathers who now lie lifeless and spinnin in their graves over what the heck has happened dog-gonnit since they rode those horses in circles in the town squares sayin “One If By Land” and “Two If By Sea” and so forth to which I have adhesively stuck to and followed patriarchtically (as those founding dads did indeed do) in those tire-tracks of history and such things, therefore I say “Three if by Bus” with my gigantic One Notion vehicle that we speak of with the full tanks of expensive gas and spit shinins which are indeed cost-inhibbible without these Sarahpacs of money, so again thanks so much for the Sarahpac infrusions of donor cash which support me in this incoming time of greater than even need for me and my family time since now I have so much more of it to spend with them and on them the last time I checked those things.