Once Upon A Time Youbetcha, Mommy Adelson sent Karl Rove to town over and across this great nation to buy a cow or an election or somethin, but doggonnit instead, he bought some magical beans and commercials and also some robocalls, and in the footsteps of our long dead forefathers and much to their lifeless chagrins and double unfortunately, Mommy didn't even get to enjoy the profits of the magic beany commercial calls hashtaggit, because they all vanished and rolled down the outhouse door from Karl's deep plus slippery pockets as he waddled back home to examine all those disappointin returns that made my gigantic hairdo go all flat and retro while Karl's head got all sweaty and puffed up on that dark and socialistic night when we watched the country go back to where we thought we could take it back again from where Brak Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama took it away to from us so radically, but acourse dingdangit, we failed once upon a time again even with all of our negative facebookins and postins and appearances with our great big expandin bases on the Fox News shows spewin out all of our big words and scripts and head shakins and winkins plus blinkins with Greta and Sean and all those fireworks that were planned for the Boston Harbors once our candidate won the President's Oval Office job but once and again all of those events that we did and put up and over the airwaves and microscopes (and tooted out over the tootbooks) were all to no avails and gone forever from our grasps, so there were no magic beans, no golden goose, not even jack crap in a sack which surprised and shocked so many of us, as if somethin that was sposta happen on Karl's way back through Ohio, somehow and much to the hair flattenin developments that were put into place, just did not happen the way that Karl had paid them forward to be able to do so, but also only too, if Karl had just left a trail of breadcrumbs behind him as he went up and down the superpac highways till he was so red in the face that he turned all blue in the face, he could have retraced his tracks to see where he took a pantfull of wrong turns, but that's a different but still grim fairy tale (LOutLOL) for the next time some other Mother trusts Karl enough to let him be in charge of their millions and zillions of coins f'cryinoutloud to buy one simple thing that I guess frigfraggit can not be bought in the first place even though he worked and sweated himself up into an oily stink so hard to be able to do so which in the end, made Karl so worried on live television and hypertensical about the big lickin' he was sure to get from Mommy Adelson that he had to make up lots of tall and also squiggly tales and big blamey stories all the way home which is just what he did as he trotted back down the dirt road that brought him there to deny it happily ever after, while also teachin Mommy a big lesson which was, to not ever send that little piggy to market ever, ever again goshdarnit.
Goshdarnit, youbetcha I for one across this great nation in the traditions of our foundin fathers and in support of our troops and things goin on there throughout our wonderful land am glad and sad at the same time that the obviously rigged election have shocked my shells also and that they turned out the way that they did since I can now guaranteeably continue to appear on the video opinion news programs with Greta and Sean to speechrope and textbleat and remain so dearly beloved by my expandin base which is showin some signs of wear and tear which I offset by my large hairhoppins and high definitioned facepaints in front of the television cameras and as I have kept employed since the days when I decided to go rogue after unhitchin my wagonwheels from Jomcane the Mavrik and the blockhead Joe the Plumber who did not do so well nor did he invite me up there to do my speechreadins for him like at the RNC convention where they served me a shutup sandwich platter there, also too not askin me to inject my blabfragments into the speechthrusts and instead put their money and keynode speech onto that party jumper Chris Christie who shares the blamebulk of our disappointin outcomes that we worked so hard to smacktalk down hashtaggit, all to no avails doggonnit and furthersome, this Wheel of Fortune Blame Wheel keeps comin up bankrupt across this great nation youbetcha as we try to uphold up our patriotic traditions in the footsteps of our forefathers which were shockinly and dissapointinly erased, as the great dinosaurs were because we overfished them which led to their eventual distiction from what I remember from my studyin when I went to colleges back before I got to be the GOP co-star with Jomcane the Mavrik and all the lights and cameras plus that blockhead Joe The Plumber who apparently did not advance with his political apparitions like I did once I patented and bewigged myself into the wardrobed and spitshined celebritory political spokesspeaker that I have dimpled and winked into after goin rogue and bustin out of the GOP scriptstable to enhance my star powers and widen my expandin base where I tooted out some of my best facebookin smacktalks ever (LOutLOL) that is the best way to avoid that lamestream Katie Couric media gotcha style that tripped me up the talksteps that last time I gave the unfair and unbalanced grillins and had the gotcha boot clamped to my mouthrims and jawhinges but anyway it's obviously the fault of Brak Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama winnin this election that is directly to blame for our second loss in a row and I should know doggonnit since I was there at the hub of it during those times in our wonderful histories.
