Goshdarnit, I Guess This Little Piggy Will Not Be Goin To Market Again Anytime Soon Youbetcha And So Forth ...

Once Upon A Time Youbetcha, Mommy Adelson sent Karl Rove to town over and across this great nation to buy a cow or an election or somethin, but doggonnit instead, he bought some magical beans and commercials and also some robocalls, and in the footsteps of our long dead forefathers and much to their lifeless chagrins and double unfortunately, Mommy didn't even get to enjoy the profits of the magic beany commercial calls hashtaggit, because they all vanished and rolled down the outhouse door from Karl's deep plus slippery pockets as he waddled back home to examine all those disappointin returns that made my gigantic hairdo go all flat and retro while Karl's head got all sweaty and puffed up on that dark and socialistic night when we watched the country go back to where we thought we could take it back again from where Brak Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama took it away to from us so radically, but acourse dingdangit, we failed once upon a time again even with all of our negative facebookins and postins and appearances with our great big expandin bases on the Fox News shows spewin out all of our big words and scripts and head shakins and winkins plus blinkins with Greta and Sean and all those fireworks that were planned for the Boston Harbors once our candidate won the President's Oval Office job but once and again all of those events that we did and put up and over the airwaves and microscopes (and tooted out over the tootbooks) were all to no avails and gone forever from our grasps, so there were no magic beans, no golden goose, not even jack crap in a sack which surprised and shocked so many of us, as if somethin that was sposta happen on Karl's way back through Ohio, somehow and much to the hair flattenin developments that were put into place, just did not happen the way that Karl had paid them forward to be able to do so, but also only too, if Karl had just left a trail of breadcrumbs behind him as he went up and down the superpac highways till he was so red in the face that he turned all blue in the face, he could have retraced his tracks to see where he took a pantfull of wrong turns, but that's a different but still grim fairy tale (LOutLOL) for the next time some other Mother trusts Karl enough to let him be in charge of their millions and zillions of coins f'cryinoutloud to buy one simple thing that I guess frigfraggit can not be bought in the first place even though he worked and sweated himself up into an oily stink so hard to be able to do so which in the end, made Karl so worried on live television and hypertensical about the big lickin' he was sure to get from Mommy Adelson that he had to make up lots of tall and also squiggly tales and big blamey stories all the way home which is just what he did as he trotted back down the dirt road that brought him there to deny it happily ever after, while also teachin Mommy a big lesson which was, to not ever send that little piggy to market ever, ever again goshdarnit.

Horsefeathers Goshdarnit Cause Youbetcha I Preheated My Goose When My Hot Saucy Words Were Prepared Too Early For Mitt's Spicy Blandishments Whatever They Are And So Forth ...

Doggonit, it seems like only yesterday youbetcha, that Fox News let me get back on out there with my expandin base and uh say some wordstreams again after tellin me to clam up and take a pipedown around the time of the convention that I was not given welcome mats to from the last time with Jomcane the Mavrik and inelegantly, which is a wordphrase that I can't get unstuck upside my head, invented by our eternal candidate Mitt who I had not overly endorsed and then was not allowed to speechly do so at the convention that I uh was also banned from, with the various barricades and cones placed across this great nation in front of the One Notion bus when I did try and enter the staged door of that patriotic banquet and convention hall to be gained egrets to which I was unable to do so, when just the other day I said the new text real cute-like that "Obaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama's goose is cooked" (LOutLOL) and that got a good reception Greta or Sean when I quoted it, but now the bird seems to be in the other foot as those precious forefeathers seem to have also gotten plucked into the uh political broths that are simmered up into our great land which he will have to re-gander to get a good view as to what he said to alter the flavor of what he will say that he cooked up.